So…

I was just watching this olden days TVB drama on AOD and there was a scene where this girl who is a palace lady who serves the royal family (okay so I tried Googling the correct word but failed so if anyone knows the correct word please inform me ok!) in the palace and it is common knowledge that these palace ladies cannot have relationships with men until they are freed from the palace.

Photo from the internet, credits to whoever it belongs to!!

There is this palace lady who has been with her lover for a long time and she accidentally got pregnant. She isn’t allowed to get married with her lover, obviously, but they are actually as good as married, aren’t they? Both of them are mature and of age, what does a simple marriage cert mean? It isn’t like they don’t want to get married, they just can’t.

But because she is a palace lady, she has to be punished for being pregnant!! At the time that the palace guards find out about her pregnancy, she is already at the gate of the palace, about to be freed.

Why can’t the people of the palace be a bit more considerate and kind hearted and just let her go? Yes, she has done a mistake, but how is that relevant anymore since at the point of time that they find out, she is actually no longer a palace lady? The only difference is she is one step away from the gate that separates the palace from the outside world.

In the end, during a struggle to escape, she is caught by the palace guards and is accidentally pushed into a wall where she then suffers a miscarriage.

I actually teared watching this scene. Because it got me wondering, supposing this happens to real people in real life? In 7 billion people, there is bound to be at least one couple who suffers the same situation right?

And then it hit closer to home and I thought about myself. Aren’t I one of them too? Yes, my circumstances are different but isn’t my situation essentially the same?

Here are the similarities:

1. My relationship is considered a social stigma to most people in the society.
2. Everybody is waiting for the day when my relationship will end.
3. I can’t complain to anyone because every agrees that the best way to solve this relationship problem is to end it.
4. My boyfriend and I are in a committed relationship and we are essentially not doing anything wrong, but people can’t seem to accept it.
5. Our future is uncertain and in every step of the way, there are fears and risks.
6. And so on, so on…

Have you guys ever been in a situation where you know you are not doing anything wrong but everyone around you is forcing you to “correct” it? And you can’t even complain to anyone because everyone around you wishes for you to step out from this relationship?

Who do you complain to when nobody understands you? Nobody I know has been in a situation like this.

And it especially infuriates me that those normal, blessed couples are going around fighting with each other or worse, cheating on each other.

If you don’t intend to work things out, why are you together? Why do you choose to be each others’ halves, if you plan to cheat?

Whenever my boyfriend and I aren’t on the same terms, we don’t lash it out on each other or throw insults or even raise our voice. We simply just agree to disagree. Because there is not much time in a day, so why spend those hours arguing about things that in the end, if you think about it, don’t make any significant differences?

Which situation do you prefer to be in?

A totally blessed and celebrated relationship but fighting all the time, or a relationship you both treasure so much but is deemed an impossible one amongst those whom you love like your friends and family?

I choose the former because at least we can change things.

But how do you change one’s religion?

Especially so if one is Muslim?

My boyfriend is Muslim and can I just say that even though I have every intention to marry him, I totally have zero interest in converting to Muslim?

I will never do it, even in death. So that’s my main problem. To marry him, I have to convert.

How unfair is that? Why do I have to compromise my religious beliefs (if I even had them) just to get married to the guy I love?

Our love is as sincere as any other happy couple. Why do I have to be burdened with this problem?

It is as if I am the palace lady. Only in relatively better circumstances I guess since I don’t think I will have to endure any beatings or miscarriages. But still.

Why does everyone resent my relationship? What am I doing wrong? Why do I have to enter a religion I have ZERO BELIEF in just because I want to marry someone who is unfortunate enough (in my opinion) to be born into that religion?

And because religion is such a “sensitive” issue, I cannot talk to it about anyone. I cannot complain about how unfair it is, even though evidently speaking IT IS UNFAIR RIGHT?

For all you know I might be a very religious Christian but I happen to fall madly in love with this religious Muslim. Why do I have to compromise? I have my beliefs too!

So given my situation, I have 3 choices:

1. I convert and marry him, and suffer the wrath of my family and the possibility that they will never forgive me and/or things will never be the same between us again.
2. I marry him without converting, and suffer the wrath of his family, and the possibility that they will never forgive us and/or things will never be the same between my boyfriend and his family again. And oh, my in-laws will also never get along with my family, like ever.
3. I break up with him, and suffer the pain and despair of having to let go of my one true love and the possibility that I might never be able to experience true love again.
4. Okay I know I said 3 choices but as I was writing I thought of a 4th one so I am writing it down : One of us pretends to commit suicide and then the other one chooses to migrate to another country in the pretence of wanting to get over the pain and despair of the death of his/her true love and then we reunite there, and start over without contacting anybody we have known in our lives, ever.
5. Okay I thought of another one that sounds a little bit more likely : We both kill ourselves and hope against false hope that we will be reunited in the after death and be able to live (die?) happily ever after.

What do I do now? Which would you choose?

Oh, yes, that’s right. YOU DON’T HAVE TO.

So are you still mad at your boyfriend for not texting you for more than an hour the other day because he was a bit busy?

Priorities, people.

Some people LIKE ME have much more depressing problems which until today, still don’t seem to show signs of positivity.

But one thing I can be sure is, baby, I will never, ever, ever give you up. I love you too much.