Who is this girl?

Who was that girl who used to have such a strong personality?

Who was that girl who used to have such a strong stand of principals in her life?

Who was that girl who used to only do things she approved of, and never give in to temptation?

Who was that girl who would never go against her own beliefs?

Who am I right now?

Why have I changed?

Why am I doing things that I would never do last time?



Sometimes I wonder if the things I do right now, the sinful ones (such as talking rudely to parents, lying etc) would cast a reflective impact on me in my future undertakings.

But if I were to live my life differently than I am doing right now, I can state with certainty that I would have to miss out on alot of happiness I currently feel.

But then some would advise me that there are more happiness along the way of life, and even if you miss out something by taking the left route, the experiences that the right route brings to you might be able to give you the same amount of satisfaction as well.



If I had done things differently, would I be the same girl I am today?

Would I be as passionate as I am now?

As worrisome as as I am now?

As STUPID as I am now?



I don't want to do things that I might regret later on.

About a few months ago, I had this thought and it stood damn strongly at the back of my brain. I wanted to stop whatever I was doing, because I knew I was just going to regret it one day.

But as time passed by, I realised that it isn't regret that I am bound to feel in future, it is disappointment. Because even though the outcome that I wish for is obviously going to be really far from what is BOUND to happen, I secretly still wish for my dream to come true.

I no longer think I would regret the moments I spent with great happiness, just because I know one day the outcome would be against my wishes.

Because what I look for in life, is happiness, whether temporary or long-lasting, it doesn't matter. As long as I am happy in what I am doing, I am going to continue doing it and let things fall into place naturally.

Nobody would understand what I am talking about, and nobody has to either.

So just let me express my feelings once in a while. I don't need to be comforted, or chastised. I just need to be heard.

And I love you.

Chuz.