What does it take to create the perfect relationship?

Trust.

They always say trust stems from the heart inside, that it exists naturally, and doesn’t need to be inculcated, because with love comes trust too.

Over these few weeks I have discovered something rather peculiar about myself.

And that is, I find it hard to trust people a 100%.

Many times I have fought with the people I love most in the world, because I either do not trust the things that they say, or do not trust them enough to share my problems with them.

I used to blame it on the other party, because I always believed that trust should be earned, not bought, and definitely not taken for granted.

But now I realise that if you love someone, you have to trust them too, because no matter how hard they try to gain your trust, if your heart doesn’t open for them to enter, there is no way that they can come in on their own.

I don’t want to mention what happened, because I am really ashamed of myself.

But what I can say is, I ruined an otherwise very sweet and happy surprise because I simply thought the shadiness before the surprise was lies.

So I ruined everything by confronting the surprise planner and while I hurt the him, I also hurt myself.

I need to learn to trust.

I need to know that I am capable of being loved too, and I am not the more invested one in the relationship, that our love is equal, and I can count on him as much as I expect him to count on me too.

Our feelings for each other are the same, the only thing different is the way we portray and project it, and I should embrace this dissimilarity, rather than hoping for him to be the same.

I love you so much sayangggg.

I love it when you look at me in between kisses and say you don’t love me, that you don’t like me, that you have no feelings for me, and then you smile. Because I know you will not say those things if you didn’t really love me, like me and have feelings for me.

I love it when you brush my hair, I love it when you answer my whines, I love it when you pick me up and swing me around, I love it when you kiss my forehead, I love it when you plan surprises to make me happy.

I love every second I spend with you.

So much.

And I promise I will trust you and not fikir yang bukan-bukan again. Mwahhhh

Financial difficulties.

I have been really stupid this year. Since January, I had been having a little financial hiccup because I overspent my money in December 2010. Instead of clearing my debts, I brought forward my overspending habits into 2011. Especially with CNY so early this year, I overspent AGAIN, stocking up on new clothes, alot of which I regretted buying…

Dad had not been consistently giving me my allowance and so it became quite hard for me to keep trying to rebalance my account.

Recently, when I was still in debt, I bought a new phone which cost me a negative nett of RM400.

I owe that to my Mum.

And on Sunday, I am going to Penang with Sally, and there goes another chunk added to my debt.

I am happy and excited to go for the trip. But also abit apprehensive because I would be spending alot of money I don’t even have yet.

Why am I so gullible this year?

Not counting the numerous gifts for my friend’s birthday?

I am soooooooo in debt.

And so, with the existence of this blog post, I shall vow to not overspend anymore in the days to come after I come back from Penang, and try to save my money and come up to the amount I used to always have in my account.

Meanwhile, I will first enjoy my trip with Sally because we have been dreaming of going for a holiday together for the longest time and tickets have all already been booked anyway, so the only way to look is forwards and I’m going to have FUN!

PEACEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

My absolute favourite magazine ever!

Read this ok! ;D

AS USUALLL…

…because exams are around the corner, in fact they start NEXT WEEK, more accurately, in TWO DAYS, I suddenly have the super huge urge to blog and blog and blog!

And AS USUAL I am going to talk about my boyfriend. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I know it’s getting sickly annoying because I’m constantly overdosing on lovey dovey sweetness, but I AM HAPPY LAH! Let me blog the way I want cannot is ittttt??

If you really kenot tahan then you just don’t read this post lah ok. Ehehehehehehe

NOW!

I heard that many of my friends were surprised when I “suddenly” got involved with Fifi.

They claimed that I had never told them anything about him before and all of a sudden I am so close to him.

They also reported that before this I have had so many flings but all of a sudden I became serious with Fifi and they are worried that I am taking this too fast.

But the truth is, Fifi was one of them flings too HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

But I never really mentioned him on my list of flings because among all those boys, he was the special one la kan. Ehehehe

I didn’t want to share him with anyone because I selfish I scared people might start talking alot about him and then they jinx our future possible relationship!!!

So I kept quiet lah. Ehehehehehehe…

To be honest right, at the beginning I really never thought of getting so involved with him. I really thought he was just going to be a cute fling only…. lol

BUT THEN……………………………………

I don’t know la I got so besotted by him I don’t know how he does it maybe he jampi me or something lol what I know now is I am glad I never talked that much about him right at the beginning because look what’s happened to my other flings I don’t even text them anymore lol

So friends, don’t think that I am taking this too fast, or not having thought about this properly, or anything like that.

I am happy, in fact, I haven’t been so happy in a very long timeeee….

I got my heart broken last year, so don’t I deserve someone to help me mend it back?

Like dear Willis says : If you’ve got nothing to lose, then it’s ok.

THIS IS SO TRUE!!!

Because that’s what I’ve been trying to convince EVERYONE who is apprehensive about me and Fifi to believe…..

Like, I’m having alot of fun in this relationship, and I’m not being forced to do anything I don’t like…

Everything is very sempoi between us, and so come what may, we will still be fine!

We don’t know what would happen in future, but in this relationship, I seriously only have everything to gain and nothing to lose!

I’ve been through so much, I know what I’m signing up for. I know what I’m up against.

I might be scared of the future because of my past, but meanwhile, I am having fun, and I don’t want to hold anything back.

I want my friends to know that I am not deliberately making a mistake just because I’m curious or in need of a rebound because this isn’t it.

Fifi is so much more than what you guys think.

He’s different from those I’ve been close with before because he makes me part of his life. He allows me to be a part of his friends.

He brings me out to meet them, he addresses me with my name instead of “my girlfriend” around his friends, and he doesn’t hide me from the public.

These little gestures may seem nothing to you, or even to him, but to me, I feel touched, because I’ve met guys who are scared to let people know about me before.

It fucking sucks and I hate it.

But Fifi is different.

And now I’ve reached the point where I no longer think and calculate the losses or gains I might get from this relationship if something goes wrong, but rather, I’m starting to fear if things do go wrong, because I really, sincerely, don’t want that to happen.

I love you sayang.

(OYA sori i curi your gamba from facebook ehehehe)

Hello everybody!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You must be wondering: Why is she here today?

Has she got something super interesting to blog about?

Has she finally found a way to bring dinosaurs back to life?

WHATTTTTTTTTTTTT?

Lol. The answer is simple:

I am blogging because………………….

…….I HAVE ALOT OF WORK TO DO!!!

Have alot of work to do ----> stressed ----> blog!

Ehehehehehe ok lah seriously I got NOTHING TO SAY, just that I am stalling for time… Just hoping that as I delay more time, my assigned tasks will either magically complete themselves or even better, disappear.

But since magic only exists in awesome worlds like in Harry Potter books, I guess I die die also have to finish my assignments lah.

Exam starts next week!!! And as usual, I haven’t started studying!!!

To make things worse, my sister is coming back on Saturday!!!

SHE COME BACK HOW I GONNA STUDY??? SHE IS LIKE THE BIGGEST DISTRACTION IN MY LIFE EVER!!! LOL

She is even a bigger distraction to me than Fifi is!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ok lah only when she is around lah. lol

Cos if she isn’t around, my mind constantly revolves around Fifi……paiseh paiseh this kind of things also want to tell lol

OKAY LAH I CHAO FIRST LAH GOT MANY THINGS TO DO STRESS ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

Wait!

Show you all a cute photo:

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Mwah mwah! Hee hee

MY SCHOOL LIFE 2011!!!!

This year, I have vowed to try my hardest to achieve full attendance and I have the confidence that I will be able to do so!

But I will be lying if I said my confidence stems from my determination alone, because actually, what keeps me so happy to come to school is because I really do feel happy coming to school!

Come I show you serba sedikit of my life in Upper 6 now!

FIRSTLY :

My table!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wrapped it with present paper and slipped things (calender, schedule, photos) underneath the starry starry transparent wrapper!

Looks so pretty right!!! I LOVE MY TABLE!!!

Now you must be thinking: what is that on my bottle?

Those are notes that I pasted on my water bottle, so that I will be able to see them everyday! They motivate me! In case I feel bored ke, sleepy ke, I faster faster look at those notes and immediately become recharged. lol

What do the notes say?

Be happy! SMILE!

Muhammad Afifi – Syuthong lol

Other than that, I am sure you are also quite curious about the bottom right of my table right…. Hehehehehe…

TA-DAHHHHH! Photos of me and Fifi!

BIGGER PHOTO FOR YOU TO SEE! Hehehe everytime I get bored, my brain will automatically think of him and when I think of him, I will automatically miss him so now I have photos of him I can just look down on my table and see his cute faceeeeee to ubati some of my rindu!

Now you must also be wondering, who sits beside me in class?

Who would be tolerant enough to put up with my constant whines and sudden outbursts of joy in the middle of class?????

That is none other than…………………..

WANEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! lol

As malas as me. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA okay lah I malas she quite rajin one lol

I guess sometimes she really cannot tahan my gedikness. lol

Now, who is on my other side you ask….? (because I sit in the middle)

She is none other than…………………..

QING YEW YEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW nyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

OH YO YO!! Bring phone to school bat dak zhi she some more use in class during lesson!!!

COMMERCIAL BREAK - GIVE YOU PHOTO OF MY SEXY LEGS lol

Okay continue :

This is Susannnnnnnnnnnnnnnn! This photo is too cute I beh tahan! ><

Ah Wen!!!!! She 24 hours with her tuala busuk one. lol

This one LIM PEI THENG super ai sui one! 24 hours in front of mirror checking her hair only!!! lol

And this is Cik Chew. We very chill one. In class take photos and use handphone to go on Facebook. lol

Damn chill right. lol

THIS PHOTO OF WANNEHHHH IS TOO SUPER CUTE I KENOT TAHAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKK nak cubit pipi die!!! lol

SEMANGAT SATU MALAYSIA! (and also because my skin looks so nice in this photo lol)

So you see. How can I not love coming to school?

I got cute and lovely friends, laugh non-stop, such a NICE TABLE to do work on, got Fifi’s face to see all the time, got Fifi’s name on my water bottle as motivation everyday…

Even though sometimes homework really berlambak-lambak and koku activities very stressful, but other than that school is very fun this year!!!

Or maybe it’s just because my mood this year very good that’s why I do everything also very happy!!!

Hehe for example, tomorrow I have pengucapan awam and have to memorise a text to perform in front of many many people, but I don’t know why I am kind of having fun instead of stressing about it! lol

I hope I do well tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ><

Before I pit, here is ONE MORE PHOTO OF MY GORGEOUS TABLE AND MY GORGEOUS FACE AND MY GORGEOUS BOYFRIEND.

Bye! Mwah mwah!