What does it take to create the perfect relationship?

Trust.

They always say trust stems from the heart inside, that it exists naturally, and doesn’t need to be inculcated, because with love comes trust too.

Over these few weeks I have discovered something rather peculiar about myself.

And that is, I find it hard to trust people a 100%.

Many times I have fought with the people I love most in the world, because I either do not trust the things that they say, or do not trust them enough to share my problems with them.

I used to blame it on the other party, because I always believed that trust should be earned, not bought, and definitely not taken for granted.

But now I realise that if you love someone, you have to trust them too, because no matter how hard they try to gain your trust, if your heart doesn’t open for them to enter, there is no way that they can come in on their own.

I don’t want to mention what happened, because I am really ashamed of myself.

But what I can say is, I ruined an otherwise very sweet and happy surprise because I simply thought the shadiness before the surprise was lies.

So I ruined everything by confronting the surprise planner and while I hurt the him, I also hurt myself.

I need to learn to trust.

I need to know that I am capable of being loved too, and I am not the more invested one in the relationship, that our love is equal, and I can count on him as much as I expect him to count on me too.

Our feelings for each other are the same, the only thing different is the way we portray and project it, and I should embrace this dissimilarity, rather than hoping for him to be the same.

I love you so much sayangggg.

I love it when you look at me in between kisses and say you don’t love me, that you don’t like me, that you have no feelings for me, and then you smile. Because I know you will not say those things if you didn’t really love me, like me and have feelings for me.

I love it when you brush my hair, I love it when you answer my whines, I love it when you pick me up and swing me around, I love it when you kiss my forehead, I love it when you plan surprises to make me happy.

I love every second I spend with you.

So much.

And I promise I will trust you and not fikir yang bukan-bukan again. Mwahhhh