Reality of Romance.

Yesterday, Cherrie and I were talking about girlfriends and boyfriends and the oh-so-famous puppy-love relationship everybody is having with their apparent significant other whilst still in high school. It made me realise how complicated a relationship actually is, and it totally knocked my head with one ultimate truth:
I am very freakishly not ready for a committed relationship with a boyfriend/significant other. Period.
You see, I know, since the end of last year, and the early of this year, I dare say, I have been wondering alot about what it would be like to have a boyfriend. To be in a loving relationship, where you feel cared about, and listened to and all those fucking romantic shit books and movies keep going on and on about.
And well, frankly, I have been wishing that I would find me my own significant other. Someone whom I can love and loves me back. Someone I can't wait to see every single minute of the day, someone whose voice I can't wait to hear again after the last time.
But as Cherrie and I were talking about this particular issue yesterday, reality suddenly hit me. Am I ready for a relationship? I realised my heart started beating really fast, my palms began to perspire and I actually got scared at the prospect of being someone's girlfriend.
Oh God. I wonder if this is some sort of social retardation I am suffering from. You see. Before this, all I have ever thought of about a relationship is how the guy would call you everyday and ask of your day, reminding you time and time again how much he wishes to be there with you, takes you out all the time because all he has in his mind is to be with you, all that crap. Well, what I always fantasised about having a boyfriend was basically because of his company.
Nothing more than that.
Until.... What if he asks me for sex? Oh God. I know right? That is lame. I mean, I know everyone's saying how the guy will wait till you're ready if he really loves you, bla, bla, bla. But is that really it? I mean, what if the guy assures you that you will be protected, and that it wouldn't affect anything? What if you yourself are sure that you will be safe, what excuse are you going to give your boyfriend?
Isn't that hypocrisy? There you are, committing yourself to the relationship, going on and on about how intimate you are with your boyfriend, and how much you trust him. But then when he asks for sex, you deny him? Okay, under religious restrictions, I can totally understand about the sex part. But what if your religion does not restrain one from pre-marital sex? What reason are you going to give your boyfriend, the one to whom you have pledged your heart and promised of your faith?
My point is, if you are not ready for sex, then you are not ready for a relationship. Unless of course you and your boyfriend are on the same term, as in, no pre-marital sex just yet. But then, if that's the case, just how deep is the level of intimacy you share with your said loved one? Okay, you kiss, you hold hands, you whisper sweet nothings to each other every night, you hug, but do you guys change clothes in front of each other?
If you can't even show your bra to someone whom you kiss and say you love, just how much is it that you love him? If you love him, don't you trust him? Well, if you trust him, what is it that you are afraid of?
But then, that is just my opinion. My theory is, you can never truly love someone until you truly trust said someone. And so, if you are unsure of whether or not this particular boy/girl is the one you truly love and/or trust, then what is even the point in starting a relationship? What's the rush? hWait till you get to know the guy/girl better. Wait till you trust him/her completely. Wait till you are comfortable with him/her seeing you naked. Then you talk about love and all that romantic crap.
Ciao.