Stupid people...

Today right after the stupid co-curricular activity I had in school (which involved all PLKN students sharing their experiences during NS) my sister came to pick me up and we went for lunch.

We went to Aeon BTK for BBQ's Plaza because for some reason we were both craving for it, especially the super awesome butter-grilled baby corns. *dies just thinking about its awesomeness*

Anyway.

So we went to sit down at this table and after we made our orders (Supreme Pork Set and an extra oatmeal soft shell crab, yummy!), we sat down and started to talk about random stuff...

When our Supreme Pork Set (which came with two bowls of garlic fried rice as we've requested) came, we saw on the tray that the waitress was holding were two bowls of plain white rice and two bowls of garlic fried rice.

Then, the waitress (who I completely ignored because she wasn't in anyway interesting to me) started to lower down the two bowls of white rice onto our table.

Seeing that this was a mistake, since both me and my sis actually ordered garlic fried rice and not plain white rice, I politely told the young waitress that we were supposed to get the fried rice instead.

But that stupid waitress with the hair of a typical Ah Lian just cavalierly, without any expression of concern/surprise/apology in her stupid face, picked up the two bowls of white rice, lowered the fried rice instead and walked away without even looking at us.

I became damn agitated because I hate being treated this rudely ESPECIALLY by a waiter/promoter.

To add to my dislike, before this whole incident, I already witnessed how this stupid Ah Lian shouted very loudly and rudely across the restaurant at her male colleague when he was obviously just trying to joke around with her.

I knew she could have had a bad day, or even mood swings but was that any way to treat a colleague?

Just because you got YOUR problems, which are not the fault of your friend btw, doesn't mean you are allowed to show your temper and throw your stupid tantrum however you like.

So after that when I requested for the pork lards to be changed to butter, I purposefully gave that stupid Ah Lian the taste of her own medicine.

I rudely shoved the bowl of pork lards into her hands and demanded "Butter." rudely without even looking at her.

She got abit scared I think, but then she just went and got me my butter. After that, in between mouthfuls of cabbages and grilled pork, I asked for more butter, drinks to be refilled and everything, but plainly ignored to acknowledge Ah Lian's existence even though she was standing just right before me.

I purposely asked for the other waiters to serve me and I saw Ah Lian shoot me furtive looks but pretended that she didn't notice that I was ignoring her on purpose.

After that, as was my custom, I, on purpose again, spoke very loudly to my sis about how some waitresses just don't have the ability to smile, why some waitresses are so rude, how pathetic a waitress looks when she is being all emo and selfish bla bla bla...

And made sure that the Chao Ah Lian heard me.

Oh she did alright. Because when we had paid the bill and were leaving, she kind of pretentiously came to us and said "Thank you very much." (in Thai) in her most cheerful and polite way to greet us out, with a smile which made her face look oddly unrecognisable due to the lack of cheeriness the whole time we were having our meal before.

So that served her right for being rude, and now she had learnt her lesson.

Yes. What a triumphant day for me!

It is not my fault that I am being so rudely expressive nowadays when I'm faced with situations that I cannot stand or tolerate.

I mean, blame it all on Xiaxue. She thought me how to be brave in standing up for myself and not allow anyone to bully me. Through her blog posts la... Hehehe...

So people. If you think you can get away with rudeness just one day, think again because you might not know who is around the corner just crouching and waiting to fire you back with logical words/reasons which you cannot fight back to shut your mouth up.

And that will cause a mighty embarrassment for you, you loser.

Chuz.

SEX THROUGH MY EYES. (lol, very wrong sentence)

Because I am such a boring person nowadays and lead such a boring life, I am going to write about something very interesting today.

And of course, that interesting thing is:

SEX. Oh Vendrick very excited lol

So you see, what are my stands on sex? To me it's just another basic process of life. I don't think age groups can define whether or not you are old enough/should have sex because after all, it is still a very simple process and everybody knows how to do it anyway.

Don't come bull me say you don't watch porn la k. I am over that. In my life I have got this theory: All boys have watched porn before and enjoy it. Those who no longer enjoy porn are usually already attached to a girlfriend who also enjoys sex as much, and that is why when you can get on-spot treatment, what for want to rely on on-screen stuff some more?

Girls you ask? SAME. And the only time these attached sexual boys and girls resort to porn is when their other halves are busy at the moment/on-holiday bla bla bla.

And for those other outcasts who say that they do not enjoy porn, then I don't know what is wrong with you.

Okay la, let put it this way: I also don't enjoy porn very much (I watched before in some scandalous sent-around tapes of some politician ahem, and also when I went to Taiwan, there were some special channels on their TV dedicated to porn so I also watched before from there. Come on la you want to say that I'm disgusting, at least I admit lor, unlike you, watch porn but don't dare say.) but I also don't have a very sexual partner to let me indulge in on-spot actions very much. This does not mean I'm dumb cos I DO enjoy sex scenes in movies. lol

And kissing scenes. I don't know la, but there is supposed to be some chemical or hormones or whatever (don't talk to me about Science please I am now officially an Arts student) that arouse people and give us these very good feelings when we watch it.

So the world is divided into these few categories loh:
1) People who enjoy porn.
2) People who no longer enjoy porn because they can derive their own sexual pleasures physically (LOL)
3) People who are dumb (no sex drive like that Sungei Wang man who ignored my sister when she tried to flirt with him. Note that she was wearing a cleavage-revealing outfit and he did not even falter. Siao one)
4) People like me, who do not go for the hard-core but enjoy the pleasures of sex as well. ;)

But what am I trying to say? What am I trying to say is this: I don't actually think there is anything wrong with sex among couples, regardless of how long they have been together la. To me, sex is a very personal thing. Unless you are a slut, then of course you will only have sex with this guy you really, really (think you) love and trust right?

Okay please note that when I say 'have sex', I actually mean sexual activities in general and not necessarily involving the penetration of the penis into a vagina. If you flinched at my cavalier use of the words to term the female and male genitalia, then you should just close this page immediately because let's face it: you're not mature enough to handle sex la.

So back to what I'm trying to say. These days we have couples as young as 13 already. And do you think they don't kiss or make-out?

I know sexual activities cause alot of accidents such as unwanted pregnancies, emotional depression and banyak lagi la, but those young couples should be educated to be prepared to face such problems if they want to get sexually involved what right???

What we always hear people say nowadays is help educate the younger generation that sex is wrong, but then here we go establishing organisations to help the welfare of unwanted accidental babies to help clean up their mess. I know it's good for the poor innocent babies, but what does it do to educate these youngsters about pre-marital sex???

Instead of tyring to STOP these couples from having sex (which, face it la, isn't going to happen anytime soon, or ever, for that matter) why don't we start educating these people to be STRONG to handle yourself in a sexual relationship, as well as teaching them to use condoms and other birth control methods to prevent unwanted pregnancies?

In some religions of course sex is forbidden unless you're married but let's face it: how many percentage of people in this world actually give a shit about religions anymore?

I mean, I know it's good and everything, and I respect religions alot, thank you, but this is the WORLD we are talking about. Can religions really control EVERYONE and EVERYTHING they do?

So I'm not going to talk about religion. Let's assume the people I'm talking about in this whole sex post are those who do not belong to any religions.

So where was I? Yes. A different way of educating the young.

Since it is obviously futile to stop people from having sex, why don't we try to STOP the affects of sex from happening?

Like, emotional depression. Solution: include psychological education in teens's lives, teach them to be strong to face the fact that you have had sex. And also, if you are afraid, why did you do it in the first place? And if you feel guilty, then don't, because, okay la this is MY opinion, it is pleasurable what. What do we look for in this life anyway?: Pleasure. There you go. Some more if it doesn't bring about any bad affects, why not?

Okay so you say bad affects are unwanted pregnancies. Solution: Educate them to use condoms. Educate them to ejaculate outside the vagina. Teach them to use a diaphragm.

STDs? Solution: Combination of both psychological education and birth control methods. If you think your partner has STD, then don't la have sex with him kan. And also, know how to protect yourself if you are in doubt. Always remember, your safety is above all. PLAY SAFE.

And please note that through this blog post I am NOT encouraging sex, and OBVIOUSLY when I say HAVE SEX, it does not mean with multiple partners okay. I mean sex with and ONLY with the person you trust and love. So can cancel out on STDs. (because I am sure that the person you trust and love does not have STDs right???? If it's otherwise then... I got nothing to say)

I just don't know what the big deal is with sexual relationships with the person you love. It is a process of life after all what. Just make sure the people are able to carry themselves after that then all's well isn't it?

Instead of cleaning up the mess (eg: organisations set-up to adopt unwanted babies; which I think will encourage MORE unwanted pregnancies to happen, because these reckless couples know that after they give birth, they can just put their child up for adoption and won't have to resort to murder), we should really start finding ways to PREVENT this mess from happening in the first place.

It is impossible to stop people from having sex anyway, so the best solution is to educate them to be emotionally strong and mature and to have safe sex la.

It sounds really wrong in this society to say such things, and religiously opposing to alot of people, but this is just MY OPINION la. I'm not actively involved in any religion, so I'm just speaking this as a human being in general.

And I know you can't help but to agree with what I say also right?

I mean, it's just sex with the person you love. What's the big deal?

Now don't come and tell me what if the person you love is only actually someone you 'THINK you love?', 'Wouldn't you have wasted your allowance for him to have sexual activities with you?' and all those crap la because I can't control it if your mind thinks you love this person and delude you to think that he is your true love right? It all depends on YOUR CHOICE anyway, and whether or not you are strong enough to face the consequences that come along with it.

And I can personally say that I am strong enough, so if you aren't, then too bad la. The world is a big pot of different opinions. And these are just mine.

Chuz.

This is very disturbing.

I am almost always with my laptop now that I've got it, and whenever I turn it on and go to Facebook, I deal with the same types of notifications, messages, bla bla bla...

It's getting kind of boring but why do I still do it everyday???

I guess it's because deep down inside, everyone's a wisher. Meaning, even when we know there's about hope the size of an ant in something that we wish to happen, we still sit around waiting for it to happen, because IF it does, we wouldn't want to miss it.

Get what I mean? No?

It's okay, neither do I.

What I'm meaning to say in this blog post is:

Everytime I get around to doing my homework, which is about as frequent as a blue moon appearance, I HAVE to have my laptop by my side too, to get me through the very exhausting and boring process of finishing my assignments.

And, of course, when I turn on my laptop, I forget all else there is to be done and only focus mainly on Facebook Facebook Facebook and leave my homework unattended until it's about 2am and it's time to sleep...

So my poor homework will only get its deserved attention in school the next morning.

Are you guys all like this? Talking about Facebook, it reminded me of boy-girl relationships and somehow by that I'm reminded about sex.

I have alot of pressing matters to discuss about sex and I've been meaning to blog about it for the longest time but I always never got the time to do a thoroughly interesting one.

So, as I can vaguely hear the faint sounds of my MUET homework calling me, this is obviously not a right time either, so I'll leave that topic for another time.

So guys, just remember to come back.

I know you want to know about sex.

Don't pretend.

We're MAMMALS. What ELSE do we think about?

Chuz.

Why?

Because nowadays, it's as if I've been hit by some gigantic truck of pessimism.

I keep thinking of what could have been otherwise, instead of focusing on what I am presently doing.

But I guess that isn't what I'm ever going to get before I finish my STPM. I'm just really afraid that I would not manage to score well for my STPM, but OH THERE I GO AGAIN - PESSIMISM.

Why am I like this? When did I become like this?

I should be thinking instead that I have to do well for STPM, that I must do well for STPM, and not worry about what would happen if I don't!

Because the fact that I might do badly should not be the thought that I focus on, instead, I should be concentrating on the thought that I might be able to score!

Arghhh!!! I hate my life right now. Everything bad's happening to me at the same time. I don't know when this feeling of ultimate depression and devastation is going to ever be lifted from my life, but I really hope it's soon.

I don't think I can stand much longer pretending to be happy when I'm not. Pretending that I'm okay when I'm all broken up inside.

When is this feeling going to end? I am LONGING for it to end. :(

You want to know how upset I am? Hear this: I considered therapy. Exactly. I considered committing myself to a SHRINK, because I am not optimistic that I can cope with my life right now on my own.

I am so disappointed with myself. :'(

I know it's very boring to read about the lame rants about my life.

It feels like nowadays, all I want to do is sleep. Because when I'm sleeping, I wouldn't have to think about anything. And that's what I want to be doing: Not thinking about my sad life.

But the problem is I can't force myself to go to bed. Even after I've TRIED and TRIED and TRIED.

Oh well. I guess I should just, you know, TRY to go to sleep now. Because my life at

awaits me.

Chuz.

And I still love you very much. I hope you know that. :'(

I miss you so much. :'(

fml.

Bahasa Malayu! =D

Pembaca sekalian, hari ini aku akan memblog menggunakan Bahasa Malayu Pasar (BMP) yang amat popular dalam kalangan budak-budak Malaysia sekarang! :D

Sebelum aku mula, biarlah aku menjelaskan terlebih dahulu yang aku sebenarnya berjaya mendapat A+ dalam SPM aku baru-baru ini, so tolonglah jangan menilai ke-chim-an bahasa aku melalui blogpost bodoh ini ok? :B

You tau, aku sebenarnya sangat tertempted untuk menggunakan short-cut dalam writing aku, tapi aku pikir, kenapa mahu buat macam itu? Nanti orang yang tak fasih BMP tak faham apa macam mahu buat?

So aku terpaksalah type semua words aku dalam ejaan yang betul.

Tapi yang mendevastatingkan ialah ini: Aku rasa banyak-banyak budak Malaysia sekarang pun sudah terlalu biasa menggunakan BMP dalam daily lives mereka. Tapi soalannya ini: Salahkah?

Setahu aku, aku sudah menggunakan BMP dalam pertuturan aku sejak aku lahir lagi. Bukan sahaja dalam Bahasa Malayu, aku juga fasih berbahasa Inggeris Pasar! Dan Cina Pasar! So apakah aku sebenarnya bodoh?

Tetapi dalam kelas aku sentiasa get highest markah dalam English test, so apa you cakap aku tak pandai berbahasa?

Aku rasa, ada ramai lagi budak-budak Malaysia yang setuju dengan aku, yang berboat sama dengan aku. Tanyalah semua budak yang mendapat A+ dalam SPM mereka, adakah mereka berbahasa baku dalam daily lives mereka, atau berBMP jugak macam aku?

Of course macam aku jugak right? So apahal ada banyak orang-orang tua yang menchastise aku just because pertuturan harian aku tidak seperti yang dalam kertas?

Salahkah?

As long as dalam exam aku boleh score, then semua jadi, kan?

So kalian pembaca, tidak perlu risau, jom kita bersama-sama berBMP, BIP, BCP dan berbahasa Internet sebanyak yang kita mungkin, dan apabila dimarahi kalian golongan yang lebih tua, mari kita sama-sama membaling kertas ujian bahasa kita yang mendisplaykan A+ pada muka mereka!

Ini generasi kita! Kita akan berpower! Jangan mengobstruct the way we are growing up, sebab hari ini, kita adalah lebih berimaginasi, dan lebih cepat dalam mengabsord ilmu, dan pada masa depan, kita akan menjadi lebih terkenal!

Jangan look down on our bahasa, kerana itu jugak merupakan sejenis CIPTAAN you know!

Be proud dengan kita! :B

Hope you enjoyed. lol

Chuz! ;)

I used to be that girl...

...but now I no longer am....! ;)

So guys girls boys, listen up! I recently got a...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.


HAIRCUT!!!!!

So from that...



Now I'm this! >__<

After these VERY STRANGELY LENGTHY 2 weeks holiday, I realise that I have come to erm, realise alot of things. Sorry for my lack of vocabulary (not my fault. Facebook murdered my writing skills). Hmm, I don't really know how to explain, but I just feel that right now, I should be paying MOST attention to my studies, because I should really not let disappointment get in the way of my education. I should really make use of my fairly good SPM results, and work hard to pursue what I am meant to do in this life.

I should not sit around hating my life just because I am not privileged enough to be born a bumiputra, and therefore had lesser chances of obtaining scholarships and such, instead, I should just get on with the fact that Form6 is my path, my route right now. Nothing is going to change that, and I am going to have to accept it. Since I got my SPM results, it has been 3 months already. I have wasted 3 months doing nothing, and I am certainly not going to waste anymore time wishing things were otherwise. I get that alot of other better SPM scorers are also weighed down with problems such as my own, so instead of letting the boat sink, I have to really start looking around for other alternatives to get my boat back on track.

Because I may be a talentless freak, but I know what I may be capable of. And one of them is to be able to prove that I can be more efficient than what is expected of me. My mummy puts alot of hope in me, as she was really devastated by the B+ I obtained for my Chemistry in SPM (she was upset not because of the state of the grade, mind you, she was upset because she knew I could have been better. My family does not live on the stands saying that As are the most important, but rather, what is the best you could achieve. I admit I didn't try my best for SPM, and am in every way deserving of my B+, and that is why my Mum was so upset), so I cannot bear to disappoint her once more. Because disappointing her in a way, disappoints myself too. And also my Dad. And my close relatives who all have supported me very much along this life. I want to be a successful person in life, and I will not permit anyone to look down on me.



I've faced more things than people know, and I've cried more tears than had been mentioned. I keep alot of my problems to myself, because that's just who I am. Though of course, I'm very thankful for having such skill because even when I'm at the most distraught stage of my life, I am still able to display to the world that I am still happy and cheerful and strong.

So that's who I wanna be. Happy, cheerful and strong.

Some people might get what I'm trying to say through this blog post, but most wouldn't. But I feel compelled to write this anyway, because it feeds my inner emotional need to express.

I hope you didn't mind reading this totally non-constructive blogpost about my lame life, because I actually had fun writing it.

And it made me smile sincerely, something I hadn't done in three days.

I am going to start afresh. And I secretly am thankful that this decision has been made for me. Although I am really hurt, but I know this is for the best.

Those of you who do know what I'm talking about...



Help my keep this a secret, please? ;)

Chuz!

I realise...

...that at 18 years of age, I, Tan Jo Yee, do not have a talent.

Or maybe I've realised this a long time ago, and it's only now that I am brave enough to admit it:

I have no talents at all.

I can't draw, I can't paint, I can't sing, I can't play a good song on the guitar, I can't dance, I can't speak, I can't do anything!

Okay so maybe there are things that I am good at, like my English Grammar (I am proud of this okay) or my ability to cheat people? LOL

But these aren't talents; aren't things that I'm immensely skilled in, just, a little bit good at, because I enjoy doing them. It's true, I can play the guitar, I can design my blogskin, I can learn things on my own without having to go for official classes, but these are all things that ANYONE can do. Any ORDINARY person alive can achieve.

Or maybe I'm just the most ordinary person alive.

I don't have a personality. I am not someone who leaves a mark when I leave a place. All this while the reason people remember me is that I have a really big and abnormally sized built for my age. In fact, if I were normal-sized, nobody would even remember I even entered a room.

I used to think that I am able to leave a mark in people's lives when I mix with them, but now I seem to have lost that optimism. I do not feel the spice emitting from myself anymore. I am no longer outstanding in a crowd (except for my size) because I'm extremely NORMAL.

And I don't want to be Miss Nancy next-door. I want to go to a place and leave knowing that half the people there will remember my presence for a long time.

It's almost like, if you look at me, you wouldn't be able to come up with an interesting description. For example, what will you say of me; if someone enquires of you about me, what would be your answer?

I'll probably be described in the most boring way with the most boring sentences like:

"Oh, she was the tallest girl in my class, and she is okay la..."

"She ah? Okay ar...why?"

You see. THESE SENTENCE REFLECT ME. THESE NON-INFORMATIVE BORING TACTLESS SENTENCES ACTUALLY DESCRIBE WHO I AM.

I used to take pride in the fact that among my friends, I stand out the most. But at that time, I never thought about my size being the main reason why so. And now that I've realised that, it makes me feel as if I was never anyone to begin with, and worse still, I am still a big nobody right now.

I haven't achieved anything extraordinary/extraordinarily, I haven't got a BIT of talent that resides in my stupid brain, and I certainly haven't done anything so nice that people are to remember me for it.

Why am I like this? A big talentless bum?

Is it because I've been too pompous my whole life to realise this? That when I do now, it's too late for me to nurture any single bit of talent I might have the chance to be good at?

What do you guys think about yourself? Are you talented? Do not feel embarrassed to speak out, or feel that by revealing glorious things about yourself that you are being braggy. Just speak because you should be proud of yourself.

It is a very hard thing to do, to be able to speak about your abilities while trying to sound humble, I know.

But then, do not conceal your real talent from the world. Show the world who you are with your talents.

Because, at least, you have something to be proud of.

At least, you're not like me, a talentless bum; feeding off glory from other people/parts/situations of my life. When I, myself am in such a lack of any skill.

Sigh. What a realisation.

Today's post is based on a very fun mission!

that is, i will intend to type this whole blog post based on absolutely nothing and see what i come up with!

which means, i will waste no time to paraphrase my sentences, uppercase my letters or worry about my grammar mistakes! =D

but of course spelling is still going to be monitored, because when spelling is wrong, the word doesn't exist! D=

okay so now i am typing with such speed because i am not worrying about making any mistakes, and because this is the first time i ever blogged using this laptop running on battery. i don't usually use the battery because i find it very troublesome to have to recharge it all the time...

as if that information is of any benefit to you but no matter no matter! =D

okay i feel so fucked up right now because i am so boredddddddd... i have never in my life been so bored before during the holidays!

i can go out, and shop and spend money, but the problem is i got no money to spend!!! and petrol so expensive who want to go out so often??? Y__Y

i don't know to use which word to term my existence right now, but all of a sudden i feel very useless. it's like, i am no longer striving for anything, no longer waiting for a result to be announced, no longer waiting for a certain thing to happen...

in other words.. my life right now is like.. ---------------------- mendatar.

no peaks of amusement, no rise of action no nothing.

i think i have lost the ability to create drama, to indulge in drama... to... urgh, whatever. bottom line is, i'm bored the fuck outta my life.

aren't weekends supposed to be spent happily with people with whom you enjoy being? but everyday now is like a weekend. weekends don't even faze me anymore. i hate the weekends. because it means everybody else is having fun but i'm at home, BORED.

hmm... i want to go eat desserts at snowflake... but cheryl isn't allowed to go.. grr... and so it's going to only be me and my sister. like that where got fun? waste petrol only. Y__Y

at least by bringing cheryl i have an EXCUSE to go, but since she isn't going, it is only going to mean that my sister and i song song go all the way to subang to eat desserts = waste money!

eeeeeeeeeeee fml.

chuz.