I realise...

...that at 18 years of age, I, Tan Jo Yee, do not have a talent.

Or maybe I've realised this a long time ago, and it's only now that I am brave enough to admit it:

I have no talents at all.

I can't draw, I can't paint, I can't sing, I can't play a good song on the guitar, I can't dance, I can't speak, I can't do anything!

Okay so maybe there are things that I am good at, like my English Grammar (I am proud of this okay) or my ability to cheat people? LOL

But these aren't talents; aren't things that I'm immensely skilled in, just, a little bit good at, because I enjoy doing them. It's true, I can play the guitar, I can design my blogskin, I can learn things on my own without having to go for official classes, but these are all things that ANYONE can do. Any ORDINARY person alive can achieve.

Or maybe I'm just the most ordinary person alive.

I don't have a personality. I am not someone who leaves a mark when I leave a place. All this while the reason people remember me is that I have a really big and abnormally sized built for my age. In fact, if I were normal-sized, nobody would even remember I even entered a room.

I used to think that I am able to leave a mark in people's lives when I mix with them, but now I seem to have lost that optimism. I do not feel the spice emitting from myself anymore. I am no longer outstanding in a crowd (except for my size) because I'm extremely NORMAL.

And I don't want to be Miss Nancy next-door. I want to go to a place and leave knowing that half the people there will remember my presence for a long time.

It's almost like, if you look at me, you wouldn't be able to come up with an interesting description. For example, what will you say of me; if someone enquires of you about me, what would be your answer?

I'll probably be described in the most boring way with the most boring sentences like:

"Oh, she was the tallest girl in my class, and she is okay la..."

"She ah? Okay ar...why?"

You see. THESE SENTENCE REFLECT ME. THESE NON-INFORMATIVE BORING TACTLESS SENTENCES ACTUALLY DESCRIBE WHO I AM.

I used to take pride in the fact that among my friends, I stand out the most. But at that time, I never thought about my size being the main reason why so. And now that I've realised that, it makes me feel as if I was never anyone to begin with, and worse still, I am still a big nobody right now.

I haven't achieved anything extraordinary/extraordinarily, I haven't got a BIT of talent that resides in my stupid brain, and I certainly haven't done anything so nice that people are to remember me for it.

Why am I like this? A big talentless bum?

Is it because I've been too pompous my whole life to realise this? That when I do now, it's too late for me to nurture any single bit of talent I might have the chance to be good at?

What do you guys think about yourself? Are you talented? Do not feel embarrassed to speak out, or feel that by revealing glorious things about yourself that you are being braggy. Just speak because you should be proud of yourself.

It is a very hard thing to do, to be able to speak about your abilities while trying to sound humble, I know.

But then, do not conceal your real talent from the world. Show the world who you are with your talents.

Because, at least, you have something to be proud of.

At least, you're not like me, a talentless bum; feeding off glory from other people/parts/situations of my life. When I, myself am in such a lack of any skill.

Sigh. What a realisation.