Jo-Yee says!

Why?

Because nowadays, it's as if I've been hit by some gigantic truck of pessimism.

I keep thinking of what could have been otherwise, instead of focusing on what I am presently doing.

But I guess that isn't what I'm ever going to get before I finish my STPM. I'm just really afraid that I would not manage to score well for my STPM, but OH THERE I GO AGAIN - PESSIMISM.

Why am I like this? When did I become like this?

I should be thinking instead that I have to do well for STPM, that I must do well for STPM, and not worry about what would happen if I don't!

Because the fact that I might do badly should not be the thought that I focus on, instead, I should be concentrating on the thought that I might be able to score!

Arghhh!!! I hate my life right now. Everything bad's happening to me at the same time. I don't know when this feeling of ultimate depression and devastation is going to ever be lifted from my life, but I really hope it's soon.

I don't think I can stand much longer pretending to be happy when I'm not. Pretending that I'm okay when I'm all broken up inside.

When is this feeling going to end? I am LONGING for it to end. :(

You want to know how upset I am? Hear this: I considered therapy. Exactly. I considered committing myself to a SHRINK, because I am not optimistic that I can cope with my life right now on my own.

I am so disappointed with myself. :'(

I know it's very boring to read about the lame rants about my life.

It feels like nowadays, all I want to do is sleep. Because when I'm sleeping, I wouldn't have to think about anything. And that's what I want to be doing: Not thinking about my sad life.

But the problem is I can't force myself to go to bed. Even after I've TRIED and TRIED and TRIED.

Oh well. I guess I should just, you know, TRY to go to sleep now. Because my life at

awaits me.

Chuz.

And I still love you very much. I hope you know that. :'(