I’ve never understood.

How come I don’t believe in the existence of God?

How come some people can put their whole mind and soul into a religion?

Why can’t I share the same faith as them and why won’t my mind believe that God does exist?

I wouldn’t want to indulge in blind faith, just to conform to social norms. I want to be able to believe in the existence of God with all my heart. But I just can’t.

Why?

There are too many loopholes and pressing questions about religions.

Especially God. In Islam, some say that when we are granted “hidayah” (guidance) we will be able to believe in God. We will understand his leads. We will fill him in our hearts.

But how come I’ve never gotten any hidayah? (I mean not only in Islam, but other religions as well)

If we are all meant to believe in God Almighty, how come he doesn’t CREATE me as someone who believes in him? Why am I created as such that I can’t believe in supernatural stuff?

And some say we have to work hard to find hidayah. But how about those who have worked hard, but slowly only succumbed to blind faith and not sincere beliefs? I am sure there are people like this.

How about those who tried hard to believe in God, but have never succeeded?

And to say that God chooses his people, then how come he doesn’t choose me?

If God has already chosen his selected clan of people, why did he even bother to create me?

He creates me as a being that denies his existence, and then punishes me for not believing in him? Isn’t that a bit pointless and unfair?

I just don’t understand how it works. It baffles me. I’m asking all these questions because if I WERE to be granted hidayah one day, I would not hesitate to join its religion.

And doesn’t that prove that I am sincere enough to want to be able to understand God?

But how come until now I haven’t got any hidayah?

Am I not the chosen one? My teacher has told me before that God actually chooses his people. So does that mean that God has overlooked me? Am I excluded? If yes, then why punish me in the end? It is not my intention to disbelieve him. I am just created this way.

And also, if things were to be like this, why create me in the first place just to punish me later when I die?

I’ve read religious books about the olden days (when religions just started) where there had been natural disasters casted upon those clans who denied the existence of God and refused to follow its religion. But if God is the one who created us and made us who we are, why did he punish those people for not believing in him?

It was God’s decision, wasn’t it?

So doesn’t that SLIGHTLY mean that humans MIGHT not be created by God?

The one thing that I cannot tolerate is, we always thank God for the good happenings, but we never blame him for the bad things that occur.

For example, if everything that happens on Earth is decided by God, then how come he allowed the Tsunami disaster in 2004 to happen?

If ALL of those who were perished were not religious, then I can understand. But the thing is, I’m sure there WERE some religious people who were killed in the disaster too. So what was the point in causing the Tsunami?

Isn’t that just unfair? Why did he allow those who believe in him to die as well?

Doesn’t that just mean that everything that happens on Earth is NOT necessarily decided by God? I mean, how can he be so cruel?

Another question is this : Is our every action decided by God?

Or do we have free will?

Look at it this way:

You are a religious person. You stand by the sidewalk. You intend to cross the street. You start to walk but at the last minute, you don’t because you stop to check your watch. Suddenly, a collision between two buses occurs right in front of you. If you hadn’t stop to check your watch, you would have been hit by the two buses and be killed instantly.

But because you didn’t cross the street at that precise time, you are safe. And then you immediately start to thank God for making you check your watch and looking over you from above to prevent you from crossing the road. Because of God, you stand to live till this day.

Thus, you agree that God controls your actions. So, there is no free will.

Then how about this?

You cheat in an exam, you rob people, you rape people and you hurt people. Are your actions ALSO controlled by God then?

Of course your answer would be NO. So all the good things are by God, but the bad things are suddenly your own free will? Is that logic?

And if God doesn’t want us to sin, how come he ALLOWS us to sin in the first place?

I’m so perplexed by all this.

Is all so……….wrong and false.

So does God actually exist? I don’t think so.

For me, I will just remain a disbeliever of God unless/until there are solid reasons or at least some faith in me to believe in the existence of God.

I won’t blindly abide by blind faith. I need to have a clear understanding. And so far, I haven’t found any.

That’s why I’m confused by all religious people.

Don’t they have questions like these too? Or are they just blindly following their faith? Why don’t they have any confusions or at least inquiries? Why are they so sure about their religion when it is clear that there are so many loopholes and doubts?

So don’t blame me if I don’t believe in your religion. It is not my fault that everything sounds so doubtful.

And really, try answering my questions. I have many more other inquiries about religions too, so accept the challenge to answer them and prove that your religion is RIGHT.

If you have so much passion towards it, I would also love to see the reasons behind your beliefs.

PS : And how about the fact that we always claim that God decides when we are going to die? If that is so, why don’t we just walk into streets without checking for oncoming cars? Why don’t we just consume poison all we want and not bother about our health since to remain alive is not under our control anyway? Why don’t we just stab ourselves or jump from buildings? Why are we constantly trying to stay alive when we believe that our deaths are decided by God anyway? If you think that you will only die when God permits you to, then I challenge you to walk into the pathway of an oncoming giant truck going at a speed of 160 km/h. Then we’ll see if you get killed instantly.

Or is your walking into its pathway controlled by God too? So does it mean God DOES want you to die in that gruesome way even though you believe in him sincerely? Can you find an answer to that? I doubt it.