Silly mistakes.

Why do people make silly mistakes? And why does no one ever come out to admit that he’s done wrong, or even if he does, he’d never try to make things work like how they used to?

I remember about a few weeks ago I fell into a blunder of a misunderstanding with one of my really close friends.

The problem was simple: She thought I was insensitive; and I thought she was over-sensitive.

You know how things like this get?

Up until today, I still don’t think that what happened the other day should have earned me this lifetime conviction of the cold war she is currently giving me. What happened the other day was something purely out of my control, and if there was any other way that I could have make things turn out otherwise, I WOULD. But the fact remains that I’d run out of solutions.

And so, I took the big step, and because I really valued the friendship, I apologised to her. And I did feel sorry, for messing up the plans, even though technically I don’t think I was at fault. I was probably at fault for disappointing her, but I wasn’t at fault for causing the disappointment.

Anyway, I decided to look pass things, to make things alright, to make things normal again, and tried to forget all about this silly misunderstanding. I don’t know what is on her mind, but until today, she is still treating me as if there has been a huge wall erected between us. As if whatever happened the other day was the last straw for the intimate friendship we ever had. And that we could never go back to being close again.

I tried to remove the imaginary wall, but it was of no use. She wouldn’t let her guard down again. She wouldn’t let things go back to normal.

I don’t know what is going on in her head. If given a chance, I would really like to find out. To find out the stem of this problem, to see if what I did the other day was really what that has caused this problem between us now. Or is there some other thing that I do not know of? A mistake that I had done without being conscious?

But after thoughts and thoughts and thoughts, I figured if this is what she wants, then I should really just let her be. Yes, I miss the friendship. And it kills me to know that I was NOTHING to her, I was never a close friend, and that I was never the important person in her life like she is one in mine.

It hurts to know that someone you cared so much for, only treated you like a pile of garbage.

And what else hurts is the fact that all our mutual friends, are technically on her side of the argument. Like what I did was WRONG WRONG WRONG. And that I should be the one to wait for my apology to be accepted, instead of the one awaiting an apology.

Is this fair?

Am I really such a terrible friend? That everyone is turning their backs on me? I seriously don’t know what to think.

It makes me feel as if all the friends I’ve ever really had are not real friends at all?

I’m not going to mention names: but YOU, YOU asshole. I thought you understood me. I thought out of the many guy friends I have, you are one who will stand by my side and fight for my justice. But there you are embracing the opposing party, and ridding me from your line of friends. I’m tired of people like you. You only used me for your benefit and once you’ve won your game, you kicked me out. I wish I could fucking say this to your FACE, but really, you’re not even worth that gesture. I’m sick and tired of you and I hope you fuck off from my life.

And now, I don’t even know what I want anymore. Should I just continue to live like this, to let her wallow in her own hatred towards me, or should I step up the game and make better efforts to make things normal between us again?

But haven’t I tried enough? While she is doing NOTHING? Or is this friendship really done for?

Or does she not want the friendship back?

You know what. I think it’s only me who’s pining for the former kinship we used to have. And aren’t I stupid, when all this time, it isn’t I, who has not done enough, but only, she, for not wanting the past back?

I’m done trying you know. I really am. And now it’s your turn to prove that you’d fight for this friendship back. IF you even want this friendship back.

***

On another note: I tried shisha the other day and it was awesome. I know it’s dangerous and everything and I probably shouldn’t rave about it here, but it’s so darn good. Here’s a sexy photo of me doing shisha.

And you know, I discovered something the other day: it’s actually fucking sexy to see boys do shisha. Arrrrrrrrrrr!

Bye.