This is the REAL ATHY.

Okay so I know I pledged never to blog on weekdays but I seriously cannot tahan this. I have to say this. This rage is burning inside of me. I have never used sentences like this (hyperbole? Metaphore? Sorry beta's gaya bahasa skills very bad one) so you know when I talk like this, it is COMPLETELY what I'm feeling inside. Now I understand how this kind of sentences came about in the first place.

Okay. Back to my point of post.

Sometimes I am just really angry at how stupid and ignorant people can be. Okay by people I mean my stupid sister. Yes, I know she read my blog at some point and then stopped or so she claimed, I mean, or so I've heard but I'm pretty sure she still does read my blog.

So April Tan Han Yee. LISTEN UP.

You can be all angry at me for posting negative stuff about you in my blog (yes, they are NEGATIVE stuff, NOT lies) but what exactly are you angry at, huh? Angry at me for telling the truth? Angry that I'm publishing/revealing your shameful attitude and personality online for the perusal of the public eye? For THAT I have only one question for you:

SO FREAKING WHAT?

You may not agree with me for bitching about people online but hohoho, what have you been doing? Yes I DO read your blog. And you've been bitching like nobody's business. At least I am not as big a coward as you are to not admit it. You think you are so nice and saint-like right? Then so be it. You want to appear to be so saint-like, then BE. I don't freaking give a damn. Just don't act like NOBODY knows what you're HIDING. You are freaking transparent.

You want to know why I'm so mad? Okay so my Dad has bought that person (I am so disgusted I refuse to type out her name, or even to admit that I'm related to her) her laptop and then he said that he wanted to take my computer for reformatting (my PC works like shit, honest) so I would have to be parted with my heart-and-soul for at least a few days. But I can't live without my heart-and-soul (duh!) even for a few days, particularly during this period of time when it's Rush Hour for all QGCs to complete the GG Log Books (cries and dies) before BSS on the 8 - 10 May 2009. So I cannot even bare a FEW days without my PC or I wouldn't have time to finish up all those LBs I have to do.

Dad's suggestion was to use its laptop. Convo below shall elucidate the subsequent events that took place.

Daddy: You can use your sister's laptop while your PC's gone what.
Jo-Yee: No, I can't! *proceeds to give lots of excuses*
Daddy: No no no, just a few days only. Won't affect much one. I'll come take it tomorrow.
Jo-Yee: Noooo! Daddy cannot! I really need to use the PC these two weeks. Promise promise, 11th May you take okay?
Daddy: WHY HAVE TO BE SO LONG? You use your sister's laptop first for these few days cannot one mer?
Jo-Yee: No no no, I need my PC later she needs to use hers le! *continues giving lame excuses in hope to disguise real reason*
Daddy: You use you sister's laptop la. For two days only. TWO DAYS ONLY.
Jo-Yee: *runs out of excuses and eventually decides to reveal true reason* She won't let me use one la. *in a sheepish tone, mind you, because I was even ashamed of admitting that it (since this is MY line, I can use it again) is that selfish*
Daddy: Huh? *couldn't hear because of my sudden drop in volume*
Jo-Yee: *repeats sentence*
Daddy: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? She will let you use one okay? I will talk to her. Deal. She will let you use one. Don't worry.
Jo-Yee: *for a second (I CANNOT believe) I was actually convinced and even felt guilty for initially thinking of it that way* Okay la.
Daddy: Aya, never mind la. I'll take it for repair on the 11th la. *hangs up*
Jo-Yee: ????????????????

Okay so there goes my conversation. In the end, I was happy because my H&S will still be by my side during my hardship (LOG BOOKS LOG BOOKS LOG BOOKS) and I wouldn't have to bear the embarrassment not to mention discomfort of using something that didn't belong to me. (sorry, I don't know why I cannot live using other people's stuff - except for things I can't afford la, like house, car, etc - explains why my pencil case has every single stationery possible in exception of a hole-puncher of course, it's too big)

Okay, so the part that made me real mad?

Later I sprinted to it and totally tested if my initial conjecture about its selfishness was true, and honestly, I was kind of expecting to be returned an answer which proved me wrong but you know how our convo went?

Please note that we were about to have dinner together before the following conversation took place:

Jo-Yee: *sets table ready* So Dad called just now and he said he wants to take my PC to repair. So these few days I might have to use your laptop first lor.
It: *quote*Your head.*in a very rude tone, mind you**end quote*
Jo-Yee: *looks at that strange/unidentified creature with shocked bulging eyes*
It: *quote*I won't lend you one.*cynically but meaning every single word**end quote*
Jo-Yee: *continues staring at S/U (hahaha setiausaha, no this is not the time to be funny, back to being serious) C and eventually leaves cutlery on table unset and proceeds to room then locks door, REFUSING DINNER (it is VERY rare that I refuse dinner one okay. So when I do you know I'm damn pissed la)*

Seriously, all the guilt, shame and whatever I felt when I thought I wrongly accused it of its selfishness went right down the toiletbowl. I'm serious. I don't feel a tad bit guilty right now even, for writing AND posting this.

I am so mad I don't even feel hungry anymore when about a few minutes ago (before I encountered the S/UC) I was actually STARVING.

I know it is counter-attacking me of my previous post but then what I said IS freaking true okay! Plus I let it use my PC ALL THIS WHILE, LET ITS BOYFRIEND USE MY PC ALL THIS WHILE and now it says that it refuses to let me even touch its laptop? Oh my God. I've been buying printer ink like nobody's business for EVERYBODY's use, I was the one who even GOT the printer in the first place, I was the ONE who succeeded in persuading Mum and Dad to get this PC. WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOINGGGGGGG??????? Besides shamelessly USING MY PC when YOU were the one who boy-cotted when I initially said I wanted a PC?

So what about YOU huh? It's almost like a scheme that you've planned that once you get your PC, you will never let me use it. I wouldn't have minded so much if within the period of the planning of your scheme and your announcement that I'm off-limits when it comes to usage of your PC, you hadn't used my PC like you were so innocent. What pisses me off is, KNOWING that you will decide to declare that I'm not allowed to touch your PC when the time arrives, you still CONTINUE USING MY PC!!! It's like, it already decided that I'm not allowed to touch its PC, but it still CONTINUES using my PC like it's nobody's business!

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU???

Do you guys get what I mean? What kind of a HYPOCRITE is it??????

I was so wrong. SO wrong for loving you. SO wrong for caring about you. SO wrong for putting you on my list of People I Love. And you know what? I am going to do this the childish way - by DELETING you from that list, that post. I am sorry, I can't live a lie. I salute you for being able to.

From now I on, I pledge to never fall into your web of disguises, hipocrisy and lies again. For people out there, THIS is the real April Tan Han Yee. Please open your FREAKING eyes and look. And STOP telling me that I'm just writing this out of anger and disillusionment. You live with her your whole life and you will GET what I mean.

I hate her. I mean it. Ciao.