i knw i shuden do this anymore but i just cant help it! it is killin me inside. i hav so many things bottled up inside of me but i cant tell anyone bcos if i do, that wud make me a bd person!
Don't you just HATE it when blog owners post stuff like this in their blog? I mean, come one la, when you take the time to sit down and post something, then obviously people assume that you are not in a hurry. So if you are not in a hurry, then why can't you just type the words properly? Fill in all the rightful punctuations and apostrophes please!
I mean, it's not so annoying if it's like only one short-cut for a word in one paragraph. But about EVERY word in one sentence? It becomes very revolting to read okay!
And worse is those who type like this: i WenT 2 SkoOl toDay N sAw a trEe! iT waS sO cutE! i wuD hAv TakeN iT hoMe iF iT weRen stuK to Da grOund!
They short cut everything and use all the time to upper-case all the unnecessary alphabets in their words. I mean when I READ that sentence, it feels as if my brain is expanding and then shrinking and then expanding and then shrinking and it totally hurts okay!
Sheeeesh. But I guess it's up to them la how they want to blog. So let's start over.
I know I shouldn't do this anymore but I just can't help it! It is killing me inside! I have so many things bottled up inside of me but I can't tell anyone cos if I do, that would make me a bad person!
Argggh!!!!!!! Should I say or should I not say this???????????????
Okay la fine. I'll just say it. I cannot take it anymore.
I know someone who recently attended a party. A party which was organised by a group of people I shall now call Apple Team. Sooooo, Apple Team consisted of 20 people. But out of the 20 people, 4 from them were usually the most active ones. So naturally, everyone thought that these 4 people did the most for this party.
So this one person I know, went on stage and announced to the whole entire foreign people who also attended the party that the 4 active Apple Team people were the ones who did the most for the party. And then this person I know, proceeded to calling the 4 people up on stage to personally thank them. And she said something which I personally found insulting. I mean not insulting to me, but to the other remaining 16 Apple Team people.
Now, you remaining people know why you aren't called up to this stage okay? You know how much work these 4 people did and how much work you did. So you can't complain.
Isn't that just plain MEAN? I mean, I am assuming that this person I know did not know entirely how the process of preparing this party went. But she simply assumed that the 4 did the most work because they were (or are) known as the most active people in Apple Team. I mean, the other not so active people could have done ALOT more or AS MUCH as the 4 people did but they weren't even getting credit, and worse, they were being (technically) bashed.
Wouldn't you feel hurt if you were one of those remaining 16 people? If let's say YOU know YOU did almost as much as the 4 people and DID work your ass off to make the party a success but some people simply accused you of not doing enough?
Okay, so EVEN if let's say the 16 people did not do as much, it is NOT NICE that this person I know was announcing it to the whole world right? You NEVER KNOW what the remaining 16 people did, so cut with the accusations and assumptions. And this person I know announced it to FOREIGN PEOPLE FROM OTHER COUNTRIES. If you were the remaining 16 people, wouldn't you feel ANGRY?
I know I would.
You see, my blog has apparently hurt alot of people in the past, because I used to live by the principle that as long as it's true, then blog it. I used to use excessive amounts of bad words in my blog because I'm always very passionate about something I'm writing. The first person I ever hurt from my blog is I guess my sister. I and her got into a huge argument or something and seeing as how Cherrie had always been the absentee best friend and besides my sister I had no other sibling, the only way I could vent was through writing and posting so that at least I could have readers who could feel angry together with me.
And then my sister stumbled across my blog and she got really hurt. I got a scolding of a lifetime by my mother (but my Mum never saw the post though, she just heard it through my sister) after that, of course. But I still did not change. I still wrote hurtful things about people (back then, I didn't perceive the things I wrote to be hurtful things. I never planned to hurt anyone, I just thought that as long as what I wrote was true, I was not in the wrong). Other times I also got into a blog war with one of my friends and it strained our relationship and I got so affected I almost wanted to stop writing. I mean blogging.
But I persevered and continued anyway. Because I still wasn't shaken by how mean my blog was. Until one day, my MUM saw what I posted. And it changed my view of blogging ever since. Well, at least thus far.
It happened when I got into an argument with my Mum and I went into my room. Of course, out of anger I slammed the door and my Mum shouted at me even more. It was a VERY intense argument. So instinctively, I turned on my PC, went to my blog, and started on a full-blast bashing post about how angry I was, all the while with tears gushing out of my eyes. It was a truly dramatic moment for me. As usual, I used alot of bad words (I didn't write anything about how my Mum was a bad mother, I would never do that, I just wrote about how angry I was at what she was doing). And like any other time, I felt so much more relieved after posting it.
Only, I forgot that I had set my blogpage (joeyjoeldavid.blogspot.com link it LINK IT! :D Or follow me also can!) to my homepage and when my Mum went online with my PC, the first thing she saw was the full-mode bashing post I did about how angry I was with her! When I came into my room after she screamed for me, my Mum already had tears gushing out of her eyes. (and it was way more serious then when I was crying while posting that blogpost) She asked me if I really hated her that much and whether was I on a mission to let the whole world know that she was a bad mother. I kept extremely quiet because I was so shocked! I mean, yea, I wrote all that but it was a one-time thing, like I do with any of my other bashing posts! I never meant for it to be something permanent in my life. And of course, I NEVER meant to hurt my mother because I'd NEVER even shown her my blog before!
My Mum was crying so hard and I had never seen her like that before in my entire life. It was not only that tears were falling from her eyes like she was peacefully crying, it was those, gasping, short-breathed crying! And only very hard crying would lead to that. I was extremely affected by the sight of my mother crying like that because I had NEVER meant to hurt her in the first place. I had never meant for her to read the post!
So when she instructed me delete the post right away, (I resisted at first because I had a huge ego and I didn't like being told what to do) I deleted the post anyway because I didn't want my Mum to explode. And that post didn't serve a purpose anymore seeing as how when I saw my other cry, my own rage and anger had already subsided to be replaced with extreme guilt and contrition.
After that though, I was still very shocked by what had just happened but as usual, my Mum came into my room and hugged everything better. She also made me promise to not write such hurtful things and NOT use such vulgar words anymore. I thought of resisting by saying that whatever I wrote was ALWAYS the truth as I how I saw it and that I used vulgar words not to be vulgar but because it just CAME out when I was writing and to change it, my post would turn out to be completely fake, but I didn't because, my Mum had had enough sadness for one night. I shouldn't add salt to the wound. So I promised her to never write hurtful stuff or use bad words in my blog. (I don't use bad words when I talk, most of the time, except only when I'm VERY VERY angry. Or shocked)
And surprisingly, to accomplish that was easier than I thought. My blog became a happy place and well, I think I attracted more readers. I mean, I've got readers before what I like to call My Mum Incident, but after that, I think I got more people reading my blog.
But it still hurts me that whenever I tell my Mum about how I achieved something through my blog (invitation to join writer sites, getting on Innit's most popular posts), my Mum is NEVER happy for me anymore. Unlike before My Mum Incident, she would be over-joyed with my accomplishment and tell me what a good writer I was and everything. ):
But I guess what's done is done. But in future, I don't think I can hang on to this clean-cut image my Mum apparently thinks I am anymore. Because it's really beginning to itch and irk me; how conservative I'm being with my true emotions and also in blogging. Cos I'm 17 years old. I'm a personality to be explored, not to be moulded. And not even my Mum can control that about me.
Cos it's simple as this: If you don't want to read hurtful stuff about yourself, then DON'T get on my bad side. I'm in essence a nice person, but I don't take shit. I used to walk away without defending myself when in an argument last time. But now, I defend myself and attack, if the occasion arises. That's just a fact that I think the world has to accept about everyone. We're humans. We're not walls, or robots, or ice-cream. We have emotions. We fight back.
As long as what I'm writing is true and ought to be posted, I'll post it. If it hurts you, too bad. I can't please the whole world can I?
> How about you? Have you ever wrote something that hurt someone you loved and caused a whole big drama in your life?
18 comments:
First of all, shame on you that as a so called wanna-be angelic daughter, you made your mother cry??? oops...or should I actually congratulate you for that 'accomplishment'? ....
"I know I shouldn't do this anymore but I just can't help it! It is killing me inside! I have so many things bottled up inside of me but I can't tell anyone cos if I do, that would make me a bad person!"
lets talk bout this sentence of yours...it show clearly what a super duper disgusting dramatic person you are...
About the 4 person in the 'Apple team'....what's your problem bout that? In my opinion, YOU are the fool who don't know any single thing about the process. You said that the person you know is ACCUSING the other 16 people, but why do that sounds like you are the one who felt offended indirectly? Criticizing how 'mean' someone did on something but in fact telling your fellow readers that YOU are in fact in those 16 peoples category who assume herself did 'work her ass off' for the success of the event but did not get the credit yet get bashed? Don't you have a little tiny bit of pride to feel ashamed for commenting bout it? Proudly saying 'I'm just saying what I think is the truth' oh c'mon man too much of bullshit you're writing bitch. You can have your own point of view on 'truth' why not the others? The whole entire blog you're writing mean things using vulgar WORDS bout almost every single person around you. Your own FAMILY, your 'BEST FRIEND' you call, people you said you 'CARE ABOUT'....Not a single person on earth are accusing you as a bad person but YOU stupidly are the fool who is writing how a stupid BAD GIRL you are. YOU are a BAD daughter, a BAD friend, a BAD sister and what else? ask yourself. Back to your mum, I belief many people too would feel pity for your mum who gone through the hard time carried you in her womb for 9-10 months, bring you up until today where her big 'grown-up' daughter can have her own thinking on all sorts of 'facts' she call or all sorts of 'truth' she claimed, and endlessly bullshitting about everything that could possibly happening around her and don't even have a single bit of pride to tell herself how to spell the word 'shame'. Shame on you bitch! Getting a lifetime scoldings yet you still felt nothing wrong about what you are doing or to say you do know you're wrong but you've choose to continue your mistake PROUDLY..Bravo!
"(back then, I didn't perceive the things I wrote to be hurtful things so that I could hurt people, I just thought that as long as what I wrote was true, I was not in the wrong)."
and now that's the biggest problem of yours bitch. You ALWAYS think you are right, you ALWAYS think what you're writing is 'true' and that is how you never want to face the fact that you are indeed very WRONG! Its easier to shift a mountain than to change one's personality.
"I got into a blog war with one of my friends. And it strained our relationship and I got so affected I almost wanted to stop writing. I mean blogging.
But I persevered and continued anyway. Because I still wasn't shaken by how mean my blog was."
See? You will never ever change! that's the 'best' part of you! What a incredibly EXCELLENT DRAMATIC IDIOT you are!! Congratulations IDIOTIC BITCH!
And....I'm surprised to hear that you've ONLY got into ONE miserable blog war with that ONE particular brave friend. With your way of writing a blog, which relationship won't be screw?
"I got so affected I almost wanted to stop writing. I mean blogging."
For this sentence, I really wanna salute your 'friend' for able to bring on a blog war that said to have affected such a faker like you. "almost wanted to stop writing"?? In the end you didn't stop writing wasn't it? See..that's another prove of you being such a successful faker. Pity..
There's too much of bullshits in your blog post seriously..
(will see what dramatic tactics you gonna use to 'fight back' or to 'defend' yourself..)
erm, ok stranger. first of all thank you for your comment, even though to me, it seems pretty weird to bash someone who to you is a stranger but whatever.
i am guessing you didnt READ my post properly or even took the time to understand or just well, you're too stupid to comprehend what i am trying to say.
first of all, this was a REMORSEFUL post. um, gee, dont know if u understand that word, but i'll put in in a simpler term for u: i was writing it REGRETFULLY about my mother. making my mother cry was NOT an accomplishment for me.
wat i said about i'm going to write something anway if i think it's true, is because it's TRUE the way i SEE it. if i turn out ot be wrong, of cos i will change and cancel out my opinions.
i NEVER said that i was only going to think that MY opinion was thr truth. i have said this b4 but u stupidly assume whatever i'm writing. i wrote this in my old post but you're too stupid to go check them out anway so why do i even bother.
and also, i really wanna laugh this part. I wasnt even one of the apple team, please. but this is so funny and stupid and so presumptuous of you, i just dowan to talk about it.
i already said that my blog was MEAN right? I didnt say i was going to CONTINUE being mean. oh my gosh. before u go around bitching at ppl's blogs, pls UNDERSTAND the blog post first. if u can't do even that, then dont fucking comment on a 'stranger's' blog.
plus, wehn ppl say almost, that means it didnt happen. so how am i a 'faker'? what a stupid word. it doesnt even exist. probably used to term ppl like you who UNDERSTAND NOTHING ABOUT THIS POST, BUT WANT TO COMMENT ANYWAY, AND HIDING BEHIND AN ANONYMOUS NO LESS.
Why la this 'stranger' terasa pula? 8D Kaw emo sial.
Jo, despite the whole blog being mean, I know you're spur of the moment. I as your cousin, know what your family is going through, and as a young teen, I know how difficult it is to keep your thoughts to yourself, especially if you're outspoken. It takes a lot of courage to admit your mistakes, especially if one such as yourself has such a big ego. Sometimes I read your blog and go "Wow she's harsh", but I shrug it off 3 seconds later. And it should be weirder if I can do that after reading posts about people I know personally. It's cos' I know the reality behind it all (if tak tau entirely then some of it la). So if someone who knows the people you're talking about isn't phased, WHYLA OTHER PEOPLE SO EMO ABOUT YOUR POST. You bukan cakap tentang mereka pun. Tsk tsk tsk.
And to 'stranger', I apologize on my cousin's behalf, because not everyone can keep their emotions inside and be like an emotionless robot who has no strong personal standpoint like you. Here's a reality check as a consolation. NOT everyone's built to please everyone else.
funny, cos i have this little image in my head that this stranger person is going to come bak and say that itomaki is only defending joyee because she's her cousin bla bla bla......
this is so dejavu dont u think, ito? rmb the last time this happened? could they be the same ppl? cos both english sure seem equally crappy.
i already said i'm spur of the momnet. so many thousand times. this stranger here just doesnt get it.
betul i tak cakap tentang dia pun. tak tau kenapa gitu terasa. geli aku.
HAPPY MERDEKA MALAYSIA!
thx ito for helping me knock some sense into erm. some senselss people.
Erm, stranger. I am Jo Yee's sister, April Tan Han Yee. I believe all this has got totally nothing to do with u. Even I, got over it, so what's your problem? If you're so clever in judging someone, be proud to reveal yourself and not call yourself stranger or anonymous or erm, coward. I believe Ito and I know Tan Jo Yee better than you will ever know so por favor, erm grow up or somethin.
If you think u know so many things bout her (by all the assumptions and accusations), what makes u think I know lesser than u do? U're writing like u know all her dirty little secrets when in fact, u know absolutely nothing.
Maybe u are that super duper disgusting dramatic person, because all u're doin is creating drama here with all the assumptions & accusations, congrats cos you explained so perfectly clear to everyone your definition of 'super duper disgusting dramatic person'.
i can only laugh in your face man, stranger.
well,to avoid conflicts,try not to defend urself if ure rly feeling remorseful.the world is not interested on ppl who gives thousand excuses on wat happen.see if someone comes up to u and apologise and said he/she is feeling remorseful,i dun think u wud want to listen to him/her keep saying wat is on his/her mind.keep saying that i did that bcz of this,this and this.its ok.but mayb too excessive.so u wud rly easily presume that this person isnt that sincere bout apologising.keep giving excuse and trying to tell indirectly that he/she is correct but he/she do it for the sake of apologising.
so my advice joyee,(no point adivising the stranger)anytime u feel like apologising,narrow down wat u say.keep it to urself.just say ur deepest regret,bla bla,and full stop.dun explain too much or else u will b seen defending urself.and ure doing it coz ur mother is crying.
Hitori> But technically Jo should defend herself, because she's already apologized, and here someone is picking ANOTHER fight with her based on totally different terms. It's uncalled for. D8 You don't go barking up the wrong tree for no reason (unless 'stranger' here terasa that Jo is talking about him/her and felt upset, cos calling her bitch without being involved seems very personal doesn't it?). So of course Jo isn't going to be silenced just like that.
And it's stupid if 'stranger' asks for a response, but doesn't know what he/she's up against. You ask for a bashing, you will get a bashing. Now let's see how HE/SHE responds to Jo's argument. Man she sure picked the wrong person to mess with.
You probably think that Jo shouldn't give him/her the satisfaction, in arguing back. But if Jo doesn't argue back, that will leave her even more victorious. Now why would we wanna let someone who doesn't know squat about anything, win a futile battle? 8D
Man I love watching stupid people drive themselves to their own demise. >8D It's like watching America's Funniest Home Videos.
MJ> the whole point i worte the post is because there was even a point a the first place. it came to my mind, so i worte it. i wasnt trying to prove anything. i wasnt trying to make excuses for myself. NOTHING. i just wrote it because IT CAME TO MY MIND.
so i dont know how u mean that i am making excuses and defending myself. plus, if i wanted to defend myself, i would have KEPT THE INCIDENT QUIET AND NOT POST IT TO THE PUBLIC RIGHT?if i didnt post this, i wouldnt have to make excuses or defend myself. NOBODY would even know bout how i made my mother cry.
some more, i am not apologising to the stupid stranger, so i dont know why it so terasa. EVEN if i am not sincere in my apology, i fail to see what business this is of ITS.
fucking stranger> fucking kepo stranger just come here and talk nonsense. fuck off from my blog pls.
itomaki> i know right. so immature. america's funniest home video BEATS this la!
Jo> No I meant you apologized as in you felt sorry for your mom so your post was the apology, and Hitori meant your reply comment was your defense mechanism.
Either that or I'm lost. >8D
to itomaki:i think u have mistaken my context.yes im saying bout narrow down when u apologise.but..im not referring to apologising to 'stranger'
im saying yes she can apologise in her blog bout how she made her mother cry.but narrow it down.also,wat im saying its not apologising thru blog onli.i mean in life as well.i gav an eg in life that if someone bla blas.so its bout apologising and not defending urself so much when u apologise.i never mentioned bout jo yee apologising to 'stranger'(which i think she shudnt.haha)again,i stress that wat i meant when apologise,im referring to jo yee apologising to her mom.not stranger.so she can defend herself from STRANGER.but not so much with her mother.
jo yee:yes i know ure trying to apologise and not defending urself.but sometimes too exessive.i think u repeated the line "i write anything that cross my mind"quite a lot.so mayb that seems to b defending urself.i mean to 'stranger'.if a simple apology with a vow,that will do a lot.so mayb he/she mistaken.that's theres a conflict here.i was just wondering.who knows mayb stranger is ur own mother..haha..but i hope not.
Hitori> I know what you meant. >8D That's why I was correcting Jo.
But I guess you know, it's not as easy to apologize to someone in real life. Especially when both parties have been injured so badly. Maybe Jo needs some time. Apologizing on her blog is already the first step. ^^
itomaki, hitori, strager, EVERYBODY>
ala why la everybody thinking i HAVENT apologised to my mum? this happened MONTHS ago. i apologised to her ON THE SPOT. or, the next day after this happened. cant really remember. this post is just a REPORT of what happened. NOT an apology. my MUM wouldnt even come to my blog, so how can this be an apology?
true, this thing just came to my mind, that is why i wrote it. it is not meant as a daefence, not meant as apology but a simple blog post. i am tryng to defend myself or whatever, it was just a report!
mean, i am NOT trying to defend myself, or whatever. it was a simple blog post. why la becoming so big deal? it's jst tje stupid stranger who misunderstand things. mj also -_-
swt...since when i say its a big thing.im just saying wat i feel like writing.haha.follows u.
ok if its a report.not an apology,still sometimes keep things to urself is better.letting it out is creating troubles.
i did that before .i know.haha.
and now...i dun even wanna blog bout anything i feel.just keep it to myself
I used to think like you, too. I blogged about WHATEVER ticks me, and I don't like to rephrase to make it sound better, coz it wouldn't be me. I thought that since it was my blog, why should I tailor it to fit anybody else? I made my mom cry once, I felt bad, but what I said was how I feel, and I don't think anyone should tell me what I shouldn't post in my blog. And, often fame comes with haters. Like "Stranger" here. Probably some guy/girl who's blog no one goes to, then she got sian and bash other people to make him/herself feel better.
Blogs are for self expression lo.... D8 If Jo doesn't let it out here, then where? Sometimes it's just not letting it out, but also having someone to listen to you, and sometimes people like it if anonymous people listen to them so they don't tell their friends.
But for someone else who's got nothing to do with it to bash like this, is uncalled for la, a bit kepoh right? Unless of course like I said, he or she terasa la.
Jo> And good on you mate, (Aussie for good job) for apologizing to your mom. ^^
Haha. Actually, I dont think why I cant post things here, considering I'm not mentioning anyone's name. The public wouldnt be able to judge this certain person I am talking about, if this is what irks him/her. plus, its as if EVERYONE isnt doing the same thing. i dont believe that there is someone in this world who has never complained about someone to another person before. the only diff is i'm doing it thru my blog, and not verbally. so wat's the problem?
i am not defaming anyone, as no one is going to know who i am writing about. plus, even if a few of my friends DO figure out who i am talking about, what's wrong? i am sure there are alot of people out there who bash like crazy in their own personal blogs. and they are allowing their 'close friends' to view those stuff. so i am doing the exact same thing. only i am much nicer, since i keep the subject's name under wraps, to avoid any judgement.
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