Or most importantly, does it matter to me anymore, even? I admit, at one point in life, last year I think, that I suddenly became deeply affected by Mum and Dad's relationship, even though they haven't been together since a decade ago. It happened during a pleasantly casual conversation with Mum and Sis, and then Mum just suddenly dropped the bombshell and announced that she was going to officially file for a divorce with Dad. I immediately burst into tears.
I know, even I was shocked.
Mum came and talk to me then. She explained how difficult it was for her to carry on with this relationship, and if it weren't for me and Sis, she would have filed for the divorce years ago. I realised how selfish I was to have wanted to hold Mum and Dad's relationship together, refusing to let go. I should not want to hold Mum and Dad together, ignoring Mum's pain, just because I didn't want to lose Dad officially. Or bear the stigma of having divorced parents. Yes, I was that demented.
But just now, Mum had a phonecall with Dad. And through that phonecall, Mum heard children's voices from the side of Dad's line. She was very upset and immediately sent him a message and said she didn't want to delay the divorce anymore and that they should get it over with as soon as possible. Note that my Mum did not mention anything about the children.
But Dad had the AUDACITY to mention in his reply message that Mum was being immature by simply making presumptions. Mum had not mentioned anything about what that had caused her sudden outburst. It was Dad himself who felt guilty.
I don't know what I should feel right now. I guess I had already known for a long time that Dad had children from another side, from the bitch's side. It was just that I never really gave a damn. What's hurting me now is how much it is hurting my MUM. I thought she had known this before. I thought she was completely over Dad. But I guess I was wrong. Mum still cares for Dad. Alot. Too bad Dad isn't worthy of her love. Or mine and my Sis's for that matter.
So right now, does it matter to me anymore, that my family is officially breaking apart? Yes it hurts me alot. It is more than hurt. It is beyond pain. But what differences does it make if I manage to hold my parents together? Would we even be happy?
I guess what all of us have to do now is to let go. But one thing, I'll never ever in this lifetime forgive whoever who had caused my family this break up.
Never.
Mum came and talk to me then. She explained how difficult it was for her to carry on with this relationship, and if it weren't for me and Sis, she would have filed for the divorce years ago. I realised how selfish I was to have wanted to hold Mum and Dad's relationship together, refusing to let go. I should not want to hold Mum and Dad together, ignoring Mum's pain, just because I didn't want to lose Dad officially. Or bear the stigma of having divorced parents. Yes, I was that demented.
But just now, Mum had a phonecall with Dad. And through that phonecall, Mum heard children's voices from the side of Dad's line. She was very upset and immediately sent him a message and said she didn't want to delay the divorce anymore and that they should get it over with as soon as possible. Note that my Mum did not mention anything about the children.
But Dad had the AUDACITY to mention in his reply message that Mum was being immature by simply making presumptions. Mum had not mentioned anything about what that had caused her sudden outburst. It was Dad himself who felt guilty.
I don't know what I should feel right now. I guess I had already known for a long time that Dad had children from another side, from the bitch's side. It was just that I never really gave a damn. What's hurting me now is how much it is hurting my MUM. I thought she had known this before. I thought she was completely over Dad. But I guess I was wrong. Mum still cares for Dad. Alot. Too bad Dad isn't worthy of her love. Or mine and my Sis's for that matter.
So right now, does it matter to me anymore, that my family is officially breaking apart? Yes it hurts me alot. It is more than hurt. It is beyond pain. But what differences does it make if I manage to hold my parents together? Would we even be happy?
I guess what all of us have to do now is to let go. But one thing, I'll never ever in this lifetime forgive whoever who had caused my family this break up.
Never.
*posted from the wild!
4 comments:
when times we face hard times
when times we face obstacles
pls never ever give up
pls never ever feel that it is the end of the world!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
as Queens guide 2009,
think about how hard u achieve that award
think about how much effort u put merely sake for that award
so
never ever felt sad and disappointed!!!
stay calm,stay stong,stay tough
plan for ur next move!!
joyee i noe u can do it!!
be strong my buddy!!
go JOYEE!! u can do it!!
u are a stronng QG i noe!ok?
take care!
thanks so much.. (:
sometimes in life,we face things that we cant handle.like me i faced a lot of troubles that i can never handle but to sit down and just sit down.this time no matter how u advise ur mom,it might not help at all.i guess every1 has their own limit.
y dun ask ur mom to delay another one more year till u know how to drive?easy?
i think that mayb its betta when both of u knows how to drive and its easier for u and ur sis to meet ur dad if u two rly misses her.
im siding ur mom and thinks that it is wise to leave him.i know its hard.i know its sad.but imagine if ure sad,ur mom is feeling a greated burden.no matter how people hide their feelings,they still need someone to turn to.but i dun rly think she turned into u or ur sis when shes sad.
i've a fren who has a father who passed away since young.he was ok.living happily.
i have another fren whose father just passes away.seeing him smile everytime makes me think how he go thru all these hardships.
remember,ure no the one suffering the worse.im sure ur mom is the one who suffer the most.so its time not to b selfish and just let go.i know its hard..
decision is still up 2 u.
er. i know. that's why i have mmentioned that i want to let go. and that it's time to let go.
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