I am in an excruciatingly bad mood. I am tired, exhausted and about to fall sick. I even gained weight these few days despite having had Aerobicthon practices two days for last whole week EXCLUDING the private ones I did at home. I sent out my MTV reply but I haven't got the confirmation letter. SPM is like THREE months from now and I haven't touched a single book. Stupid people seem to misunderstand me ALL THE TIME and especially when I am trying to be funny, they seem to perceive that I am being rude.
Some people just cannot take jokes can't they. And I mean even my friends in school. All they seem to do is like take offence to whatever I say. I mean COME ON I am JOKING. I am trying to have FUN. I am trying to PUMP UP the atmosphere cos GOD knows how tensed and pressured and stiff the class feels nowadays.
On top of that, I am also broke and I also just found out that my phone bill this month (or these FEW months, I HOPE) is RM162.20. I do not understand how I managed to use up the much amount on phone calls and stuff but apparently I did. My eyes are hurting and my whole body aches. I even have mild flu and I am really beginning to suspect that I have Flu (A).
There are so many things I want to do right now, but I cannot because of SPM. I am starting to feel more and more DISTANT with things and people I actually care about, because I have neither the time nor the capacity to actually hang out with them. And sooner or later I am going to explode and send millions of pieces of Jo-Yee across the world and the worst part will be no one will even NOTICE.
Plus, my History teacher told me the other day that the teachers have been talking about me during their meetings. They conclude that I have slipped overall in my studies and should buck up RIGHT NOW if I want to do well in SPM. I got so FREAKED OUT. Yes, despite what people think, I really DO care about SPM and it is like, my priority for now. Heck, it is not like I even have time to think about anything else.
I think I need to get somethings straight. I haven't been going to Church for quite some time now and the excuses I gave was because I haven't the time and my Mum doesn't allow. Surely some of my Church friends would be wondering why I am always free to go out with my friends and family but never to Church?
Okay now. I love CHC. I really do. It's just, when I said that I got no time, it is true. But what really is the reason that I have been skipping Church and CGMs is because my Mum has somehow begun to dislike the idea of me attending Church, and CGMs. Anyone who knows her will know that she is very firm and adamant with her religion. So the idea of her daughter reaching out to another religion when she doesn't pay much attention to the Gods at home, isn't very appealing to my mother.
And I understand her. My mum is not a fierce woman, but she is with her religion. I could go against her in ANYTHING and she wouldn't become as furious as she is if I go against her religion. So in a way I respect her too, because as long as I still live under her roof and spend her money, her rules are the ones I need to abide by.
So right now, it is best to just go along with what she wants.
My blog is DEAD. And my visitors per day have decreased from 30 something to 20 something and on weekdays, only about 15 or so. This is very embarrassing.
I don't know what is this feeling I have right now but I know that I am feeling very bothered. It is like the world is AGAINST me or something. What have I done wrong. SERIOUSLY. WHAT HAVE I DONE WRONG.
I do not feel loved, because I do think that I deserve to be, as wrong as that sentence might sound. I WANT to feel loved. WHO DOESN'T. But somehow I feel very alone in this world. I feel like the sky is going to collapse on me and shield me from all happiness and suck out my joyous moments... I feel like I... got a Death Kiss from a Dementor. -_-
And I wasn't even trying to be FUNNY. YES, I CLARIFY THAT in case nutcases out there misunderstand me again. I have even lost my wit and tack. My blog is so going to die.
And it is already 12am. And I haven't even packed my bag. And I have school tomorrow. How am I going to survive? Don't ask, I don't even know myself.
Ciao.
3 comments:
lolz..dun bother bout wat teacher said la bout ur result.haha....they r not gonna buang u from skul rite?so dun care..haha..i mean at least u still know that ure not doing it purposely.so its not wrong to slip in studies for once in a while.
like me i slipped a lot.skipped a lot of homeworks and i think this time ub3 i got last.hahahahahahah..i think i din sit for 5 test papers.so that makes me last.but i dun care la.
haha..so be happy.at least u still know ure not our of track.ure just sacrificing some of ur studies life and putting something else in priority like me.i had to put competitions first and had to abandon my homeworks and test.
but dun sway away from ur priorities.or else ure rly going too far
but my priority is SPM. ):
short-term priority i meant
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