Hello people.

Today I got very pissed. I know this is not a very nice way to start a blog post but that is exactly how I felt. And I cannot wait to talk about it.

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I'm not going to elaborate on how I got so upset and pissed off that my stupid sister did not join us for our lunch at Shogun, because she had to entertain some people, so just take it that I got so tired of her, I kind of ignored her texts and refused to talk to her.

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I didn't make it very obvious because I didn't want it to look like some big deal, but I was really upset. So somehow over a very cold phone call I had with my sister, my Mum kind of found out that I was mad at my sister. And you know what she said?

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"Don't be so rude to your sister, okay?"

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And I kept quiet. Because I do know I shouldn't have been rude to her. But my Mum's follow-up reply shocked me.

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"She feels neglected."

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OH. MY. GOD. Is there no JUSTICE in this world???

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Then I got super-super-super pissed. Okay so she feels neglected. SHE feels neglected. I want to ask. WHAT HAS SHE BEEN DOING THESE FEW DAYS??? NEGLECTING the family to entertain her stupid boyfriend. And you tell me SHE feels neglected???

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My Mum is so CLUELESS sometimes. No, ALL THE TIME. Especially when it comes to my sister. I don't know why she is so defensive of her.

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Well I'm sorry Mum, that your little precious daughter feels neglected. While your other daughter is being so rude to be ignoring her.

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Sometimes it makes me wonder if I'm really that good in hiding my feelings and emotions. I am clearly dying, okay not dying but, full of pain over my sister being so irritatingly locked up in her own fantasy boyfriend world. But no one seems to notice. I mean, I am trying to hide it cos I don't usually like to tell people about how I feel and all that, but I am really holding back so much?

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That not even my Mum, someone who spends alot of time with me, notices?

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Maybe my Mum's just, as I said, clueless.

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You know sometimes when I think about it, I realise how much I still care about my sister's feeling even though she's been acting so shitty these days.

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Cos if there is one person I want to tell all this to, that is my Dad. I am close with my Dad, even though he doesn't live with me. I tell him all sorts of things and I usually complain about my days and all that to him.

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And also, my Dad dislikes the fact that my sister has a boyfriend, when she's still in school. So if I rat my sister out to my Dad, about how she neglects the family, and spends more time replying texts and talking on the phone, rather than studying, my Dad would so give her the lecture of a lifetime.

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But I didn't rat my sister out to my Dad. Most times that I'm upset, it's usually about my sister, but I can't tell my dad about it, cos I don't want to strain things between her and Dad. See how nice I am? See how much I still care?

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So it's really sad that she still acts this way and my Mum still defends her.

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One question: Who's gonna defend me?

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Amidst my very sad days, these few days I mean, I suddenly realise how more socially retarded I am than ever.

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I realise I don't have a friend to whom I can complain and tell things, and all that. I realise I don't have a truly good friend who would listen to me, who loves me, who cares about me. And it's really saddening.

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Am I really that bad a person? That no one loves me?

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I know I shouldn't be asking all this. I mean, I am not trying to doubt myself, but I really do not know how people's minds work. I am trying the best I can to be the best person I can be, but I don't see anyone appreciating it or anything.

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For the very first time in my life, I feel very.....

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Lonely.

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Yes. I feel very lonely. I have only one sister. She is the one that I have grown up with, played with, talked to, and everything. And now all of a sudden, I am not in her life anymore. I can't talk to her, cos she wouldn't sit to listen to me like she used to, cos every like five minutes she gets interrupted with texts and calls, I can't play with her, cos she's too busy with her cell phone. I can't do anything with her anymore.

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So who am I gonna spend time with anymore? Who will be the one I'm closest to anymore?

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So is this what they call growing up? That when you grow up, your relationship with your family somehow drifts further apart?

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If that's the case, I would very much like to not grow up.

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I can't believe I'm getting teary while writing this.

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They say when your relationship with your family falls apart, you find your friend for a shoulder to cry on.

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And yesterday, I finally realised that I don't have any such friend.

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I fail in both my relationships with my family and my friends.

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Who am I anymore? Since when did I start feeling so insecure about my life?

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Is this just a phase?

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