Clarification.

The first time I went to City Harvest Church and heard Pastor Kevin preach, I was.....erm.......mesmerised. (sorry I have very bad vocab skills but seriously I think that word best describes the way I felt when I first heard Pastor Kevin speak) Haijor not his voice la. But the things he said.

He told the room full of about 200+ people (I think) that (I don't have photographic memory so I shall attempt to rephrase what Pastor Kevin said in my own words la) in life we have to make a lot of choices. And your subconscious mind, being the very strong part of your brain, tends to pretend that it is hiding and not out to delude you when in fact, the ONLY reason you cannot decide on a choice is because of the existence of your subconscious mind itself.

Think about it. Let's say you have a very juicy apple. But warnings show that it is poisonous. Being the ultimate apple fan that you are, you are now torn into two. Should you eat the apple, should you not? Arrows point to NOT eating the apple of course, but it's your subconscious mind that gets you going on and on about making the decision whether or not to eat the apple, because well, you LOVE apples. (now that I read this example I used again I realise how stupid it actually sounds but whatever)

So Pastor Kevin says, in order to make life easier, find ONE person whom you trust. Only one. It doesn't have to be the King or the new American Idol Kris Allen or whoever, just someone you trust and would see yourself obeying. Someone you respect. And then whenever you are torn into two decisions to make (this is the best part):

Look for that person whom you trust and whatever he/she says, FOLLOW. DON'T analyse, DON'T doubt, DON'T judge, DON'T consider, just straight on DO it.

Isn't life much simpler that way? When you've accepted someone in which you've put your trust, then trust him/her. Even if your decision turns out not being the ideal one in the end , it's okay! because nothing is perfect in this life anway. (:

Think about it. Isn't this a better way than compared to you wandering around looking for thousands and thousands of people who give you various answers, "Just eat the apple la." "I don't think you should eat it." "It's up to you."And then in the end where do you go? NOWHERE because you're BACK at square one. But of course your subconscious mind will subconsciously tell you that the people who have supported you, meaning those who say It's okay to eat the apple! are the good people! And just because you think there are people supporting you, you decide that eating the apple wouldn't be such a bad idea after all!

It's all because of your subconscious mind. Because without that sort of thought in your head, you would have juxtaposed the two contrasting opinions of YES and NO and given each equal evaluation. But because YOUR subconscious mind silently WANTS the answer to be YES, you automatically think that the YES answer is the better one.

Get what I mean?

That's what Pastor Kevin told all of us, which made me feel really giddy inside. Because it's so true. Just find one person whom you trust and that's it. Whatever he/she says, just follow. (: Problem solved.

But please hor when you choose a person to trust make sure she/he is someone reliable, mature and opinionated la okay. Imagine if you find someone who gives you answers like, "The decision is up to you." and then you can officially go long pia liao la cos that will only send you back to square one.

Okay? Okay.

Sooooo why I am going on and on about making decisions? Because this advice was the one I practised when I was torn into making decisions to go to Australia or stay for trials.

I hope people realise that before my mum had come home the day when she announced that she had bought my flight ticket, only a few tragic hours before that, I HAD made my decision. A fact Cherrie can very readily attest because she was the person whom I chose to trust in this decision making.

She explained to me that I should stay for trials because there would be many more chances to go for holidays after this and I should not risk my SPM and all that. Which I had known all along but it was my SUBCONSCIOUS MIND which got me caught up in this stupid dilemma. I asked TONNES of people about making the ultimate choice and they all gave me different answers. I wasted my time searching for the answer when in fact, it had been right in my face.

I dunno how I was suddenly reminded of Pastor Kevin's advice and even FORGETTING about it in the first place and so when I gave Cherrie that call, I trusted her to make the decision with me and for me. So in the end I very solemnly decided to stay and I actually felt proud of myself for being ABLE to let go of this awesome holiday opportunity and put my SPM priority back on top.

But THEN, when mum came home and I broke the news to her that I decided to stay, she said, No I already bought your ticket! My eyes actually went O_O and then I asked if it could be cancelled and she said it wasn't possible unless she was willing to just waste the money like that which she obviously wasn't.

I thought I'd feel happy that at last I could use the excuse that Mummy had bought the ticket to not feel guilty over skipping trials but I couldn't! I tried to be happy but I was feeling TOO guilty!

So to all those suckers out there who thought I was faking my feelings and all that shit WHATEVER loser. THIS is how the story went and nothing else.

Ciao.

I'm going to Australia. I REALLY REALLY want to feel happy. Cherrie said to just indulge in the moment since the decision has been made cos if I spend my time feeling guilty all the time throughout the whole holiday in Australia, it wouldn't be worth it that I missed my trials for it. I told her I've never heard of truer words.