No Australia for me.

I'm really trying to be happy. I really am. I mean, I am happy. But that doesn't mean I can't be sad at the same time right?

I'm really happy for you, Mummy, and you, April, and the rest of you who are going to Australia. It's like a dream come true for all of us, we've been hoping to visit Australia for so long!

Well, dream come true for everyone except me.

I can't go to Australia because I'll be having trials. For SPM. It's important, I know. And I cannot take leave just to go for a holiday. I've been hoping that trials wouldn't clash with this holiday plan, but I guess that is just my luck. Trials is EXACTLY during when they would be going to Australia.

Mummy has tried to make plans for me, regarding where I should stay when the whole family flies off to Australia. If you ask me, I don't mind living alone at home. It's only for one week after all. I can take care of myself. Just stock the house up with instant noodles or vegetables and eggs and onion and chicken because HELLO I can cook. I'll be fine.

The only problem is, I'll be here when you all are having fun.

I was REALLY trying to be happy when I was told that this holiday was going to take place and it's confirmed. I'm really trying not to be selfish, because Mummy deserves this holiday. I can't just make her cancel her plans because I have trials.

I try not to cry in front of Mummy. I want her to know that I'm estatically happy for her, and I DO want her to go to Australia. It's just, it's difficult you know. Trying to be happy for someone when inside you're hurting so bad. I don't want to cry in front of Mummy, because if she realises that I'm upset, she would cancel her plans. I don't want that to happen.

I realise I need to be more mature. It's only a holiday after all. What's the big deal?

OF COURSE IT'S A BIG DEAL!!!!!!!!! IT'S HOLIDAY AT AUSTRALIA WITH BABY RYAN AND FAMILY AND AUNT MOO LEE AND FAMILY. TELL ME HOW TO NOT FEEL UPSET?????

Still. I have to hide this inside. I need to distract myself from this, eventhough, well, this is all my family ever talks about anymore. But it's okay. They're happy. The least I could do is just try to distract myself with studies since it's freaking MTE, and you know, lock myself in the room. It's what I do everyday anyway.

Sigh. Why do bad things always happen to me? Mummy promised to bring me to a nice holiday after my SPM to make up for this Australia trip I would miss. Well you kow what that translate into? I'll tell you what it translates into:

THE NICE HOLIDAY AFTER MY SPM WOULD NOT BE AUSTRALIA OR EVEN AUSTRALIA QUALITY ANYMORE SINCE MUMMY WOULD BE SPENDING ALOT OF MONEY ALREADY ON THIS AUSTRALIA TRIP SO WHERE DO YOU EXPECT SHE WOULD TAKE ME SOME MORE ON THE SAME YEAR? FREAKING LONDON? I think the best trip I would get will probably be Redang or Langkawi.

Sorry about the capital letters, I was just, erm, caught up. I mean there is nothing wrong with Redang and Langkawi, I WANT to go to those places too. But then, in comparison with Australia, which one would YOU choose? And the odds of me EVER being able to visit Australia again? Like in ten years' time.

I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't be saying all this. I cannot be so selfish. I want to be happy for Mummy and sister. I really do. Why do you think I cry only after everyone's gone to sleep and I'm alone in my room?

I'm sorry. Ciao.

PS> Would it sound weird if I asked my friend if I could crash her place for the whole week? I plan on asking Sally, since I love her family and she also has trials (convenient cos we can study together and she wouldn't be going anywhere, that's for sure) and all that.

PPS> If it is weird, pleeease help me think of other ideas so that my welfare would be taken care of during that week of the Australia trip. God, Mummy should have let me take my Driver's License, I'll surely be able to take care of myself then.

PPPS> If it isn't weird, does anybody have any idea on HOW I should pop the question? Without making the whole situation weird? Like what if she doesn't want me to stay with her??? O_O Any ideas on a neutral apporach?

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PPPPS> HELP!

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Update!!!: OMG! Can there be a KINDER FAMILY??? Sally's family says I can come WHENEVER I WANT cos I'm welcome at their home ANYTIME and it'll all be free of charge! Oh my God! Bless bless bless them!!! :')