Don't ever ever skip school.

On Monday I had my last paper for trials. Biology paper 3 was alright, but it might have been because it was almost the same paper as the one we had during our Mid Terms. I found out on Monday itself that right on the next day, which is today, we would be having our pre-SPM. BM paper.

I was shocked because I hadn't known that we would have to sit for a BM paper right after the holidays. And during the 10 day holiday, I didn't pick up even one book to study. I am not saying that I would have picked up a book to study during the holidays if I had known we would have pre-SPM right away, but I would have still been a little more prepared and would NOT have taken the easy way out:

I skipped school. I skipped BM paper, thinking that everything would be fine, if only I skipped it. And since this wasn't trial, I figured it wouldn't be such a big deal.

Only after that I realised how stupid I am. I skipped Tuesday, so what? I still have to retake the paper. And how about the rest of pre-SPM? I still have ALOT of papers to go through with, so what am I supposed to do? Skip all of them?

Sometimes people really think very weirdly. And this is how people always make rushing decisions and then regret it half an hour later.

I woke up this morning and texted my friends to ask them was it really true that we were going to be having BM paper. Cherrie said yes. And I freaked out. Because I didn't figure I could write even a PARAGRAPH in BM, what more an entire essay? What more a FEW entire essays? I paced my room up and down this morning, I brushed my teeth and put on my bra, ready to go to school. But in the end I didn't. Because I was too scared.

Usually when I skipped school, it was because I didn't have enough sleep, or simply because I didn't want to go. I have never over-slept. I tell a bunch of lies to my school teachers in my absence letter. Overslept being the most popular. But that was never the case.

But this time, I was really scared of BM. I didn't know why I was so scared. I really don't know. I really regret skipping school today. But the saddest thing is how stupid I am to have thought that by skipping school, I would be safe from having to sit for BM. Because while everybody is already celebrating that they have fought through BM, I would have to take the paper alone.

That is even worse than taking it unprepared.

Why am I so stupid? Throughout this year, why did I think that by skipping school, everything will be fine by the time I return? Daddy called me today and asked "How was school?" I was SO GLAD that he didn't ask "How was school TODAY?" because or not I would have to either admit that I skipped school, or lie and say it was fine.

I don't know why I am so selfish. When I skip school, my Daddy gets really angry. My Mum gets really upset. My sister scolds me. And me? I lose track of all my syllabus. Why is it only NOW that I realise that skipping school is so STUPID?

From now on, even if it's only one and a half months more of school., I promise to never never skip school UNDER any circumstances. I used to say not skip school unless necessary. That didn't work because everytime I felt like skipping, I would convince myself that it was necessary, it was necessary when it actually wasn't!

Ga Jie, Mummy, Daddy, Aun Jie, Bat Leong, and everyone else who has hated me for skipping, I am sorry and I will never do it again.