I'm, er, sorry?

You know, I think my some of my friends really don't like me. I mean, not that I'm evil or back-stabbing or whatever. It's just, I dunno.

Cos you see, I don't go for tuition, or special classes or whatever. But my friends, almost all of them, take tuition classes for alot of their subjects. And then when an exam rolls around, I end up getting good marks, sometimes better than theirs. And I even end up getting 2nd place in class a few times. But is that really any matter to hate me?

I am not trying to say that I am ultra-smart or whatever. It's just that, around my friends, or everyone in this world for that matter, I am this big slacker who procrastinates on a daily basis. I do everything at the last minute. EVERYTHING. But when it comes to studying, I do it last minute too, but I make sure I know all the important stuff before I slack to do anything else.

So even though I slack alot, and usually only care about money and food and music, I do care about my studies too. Even when it's 5 in the morning and I haven't memorised this important formula, I will stay up until that formula is stuck in my head before I will go to sleep. If I have the time left.

And then in class I pay attention and I do my homework and everything. So maybe that's why I can do good in my exams? Why do you guys hate me just because I don't take tuition? I use my BRAINS to answer my questions okay? Not luck. So is it really that difficult to accept that maybe I did work hard for my exams and that's why I could score? Why does it have to be like I'm extra lucky or that I'm the teacher's pet or whatever?

I think this started when I got straight As for my PMR. HELLO. Even though I don't take tuiton, I do study okay? I DID study for my PMR. So why do you have to be so jealous? Why can't you just come up to me to congratulate me? Why do you have to act like I don't deserve my results???

And when I got 2nd place in class, I do not understand why some people felt obligated to remind me every 5 minutes that I was only about 10 marks ahead of the third person. SO???? I don't care even if it's only one mark. I only care about my grades. So why do you keep telling me that, huh??? Does it matter to you?? Do you feel threatened or something???

This is one thing that I have been figuring out for a very long time. I wonder if my friends think that I am a stupid person or not. I mean, because they go to tuition, they know alot of things in advance, compared to me. So whenever the teacher is about to say something, I would listen intently, but my friends who take tuiton just sit casually, cos they have heard of it before. So I look kinda stupid in front of them. But just because I look stupid doesn't mean I am okay?

Plus, alot of the exams we take are based on your answers, objectively and subjectively, so however excessicely I kiss some teacher's ass, they cannot give me extra marks. So what are you trying to say huh? That I cheat during my exams? Come on. I don't cheat. Just because you don't see me studying, doesn't mean I don't.

I've never heard any of my friends congratulating me before on my results. Most times when I felt like I had achieved something, none of my friends would come on to say how happy they are for me or whatever. I am sure I DO go to them and congratulate them to make them smile, but I don't get back the same treatment. Why? Aren't I human too? Aren't I your friend???

I don't want anyone to be jealous of me. Cos I am not this super genius or whatever. I am a slacker. I think that word defines me. Slacker. Why get jealous of a slacker???

Just take it that I DO study for my exams okay? I do strive for what I want and it is not a very nice feeling that you guys think of me as someone who is undeserving of my results.

Come on. I'm only human. What are you trying to do to me?