This Is Subjective. So Don't Give Advices. Give Opinions. (:
I'm young and restless! This life, I want to enjoy. This year I want to strive hard for my SPM and I want to get my Driver's License. I want to drive everywhere, taking Cherrie and Mae Vin and all my other friends who want to join and I want to buy lots of clothes and shoes and bags and shades.I don't want to be restricted in any way. I don't want to commit to anything, relationships included, but instead I want to take the time to achieve all my goals. As far as I can go. Okay, so what I actually want to say is, people nowadays take relationships very lightly. For example one of my cousins. She is very young, and pretty and she studies in a Co-Ed school. So naturally, she feels the urge to be chased by boys, to be someone's girlfriend, to go to movies holding hands.That's all fine. It'd be fun to hang out with some boy that you've been crushing on for a long time. Notice the word: crush. This is not love. Love is more than that. Love is wanting to spend your whole lifetime with your partner. Love is committing entirely to your partner. Love is making sacrifices without worries that you may not get back the same treatment. Love is a permanent declaration that you are ready to conquer any form of adversity that may befall you in your relationship. Love is eternal. Love is serious. So who are we to use the word love with our puppy-love partners? So back to my cousin's story. She claims that she's in love with this boy she sees in her school. And that everyday of the week she'll have to steal a glance at him, just to fuel her daily needs. But you know what's her problem? This boy, she's never spoken with. So you see. People, or rather teens nowadays are very childish and naive. They overlook the circumstances of being in a relationship. But, well, say if both of them are naive and childish, then I guess nothing bad can happen.But imagine if one is childish and the other is more mature. And sexual. Imagine, the girl wants to be with her boyfriend, so that they can go to movies together, they can hold hands, share ice-cream and all that. But the boy, on the other hand, wants to take things to a higher base. Kisses, hugs, and sex. So if the girl refuses him, the boy will assume that she's toying with his feelings, since she doesn't even trust him with her virginity. This is not about, If my boyfriend loves me, he'll wait till I'm ready. This is about, If she says she loves me, why won't she do it?So in this relationship, I think it's misinterpretation. The girl doesn't know that being his girlfriend, she will need to have sex with him, and the boy doesn't know that being her boyfriend, all they are supposed to do is just hang out, be affectionate and care for each other.So in conclusion, do we understand what love is when we say we love someone? To me, love is a very subjective matter. Some see it this way, some see it in another way. Everybody loves in different ways, and love cannot be compared. If you say you are in love with this person, but then this person does not love you back, despite all the love you've showered him/her with, are you to blame him/her? lLove is too subjective and it's uncontrollable. There is no right or wrong in love. There is no selfishness in love. There is no mistake in love. There are no lies or excuses in love. There is no hurt in love.If the one you think you love does something to hurt you, even if she/he apologises, don't think twice about forgiving him/her. Think twice about the relationship. Is this love?
Circumstances and emotions can hurt people. But people who love you will not let circumstances or emotions hurt you. People who love you, protect you. If you think there's an excuse to hurt the one you claim you love, because you can't change the situation, then it is not love you have for him/her. Because if you love someone, what matters most is protecting him/her from hurt. If you're letting that happen, and even blaming it on circumstances, Amen. Stand in front of the mirror, knock on it twice and ask yourself:Is this really love?Ciao.
7 comments:
Oh my GOD are you talking about who I think you're talking about?! >8D *prolly the one who just hit puberty a year or two ago*
No, that is not love, she doesn't even know the guy, it's prolly just a crush. ^^ But yes love is very subjective, your situation reminds me of another friend's situation (name censored lol), she got in the car with her boyfriend who was chasing her for nearly a year (at that point they've been together for a month), and he decided he'd skip to third base. She just got out of the car and told him she'd walk home, and broke up with him later. Not saying that men are swine who just wanna get in our pants, but yeah the idea of relationships are very different from one person to another. You know how people say that when you're in love or when you have found the right one, you will know automatically? I don't know how to explain that phenomenon, but I think it's true. So when it's time to move on to things like sex and marriage, even though each other will have different goals (getting married at age 24, having sex by age 20), I think mutually they will know, SOMEHOW, they will know when the right time to act is.
ASSUMING they really are in love, not with that crushy puppy love things.
And puppy love is really fickle. I remember I had a crush on two people (one a collegemate, you'll prolly figure this one out, and another an anime-fan friend) on different times of my life, but after getting to know them and all, I found that they were better friends to me than a pair. And that crush just disappeared there and then lol.
Hee. IF you know who I'm talking about, please do not say a word, she'd kill me and stop telling me things and I'd be deprived of one gossip that I actually enjoy listening to! :D :D :D
And also, I love her alot, so I don't want to strain things between us. Haha. :D
Yeah, what you're saying is EXACTLY what I mean. Different poeple have different ways to love. If this certain someone we couple up with, turns out to love you in his/her own individual way, which you do NOT agree on, it does not make him/her a bad person. It's just different.
So it's very important to get to know who you're choosing to hold hands with before you go declaring your alleged love for him/her. (:
In my point of view, if someone really loves the other, they would work things out. So, instead of the the guy assuming that the girl does not love him enough to trust him with her body, he should have tried to see from her point of view instead of "I'm dumping her coz she duwan go in bed with me, dun trust me one.." People who really love one another would change their ways to be more fitting to the other, that's how i see it.
I think teens take relationships lightly because they know that they should play the field first instead of settling for the one you met. Because you never know if someone better is out there. And we're all so young, so why stop at one? Why not explore all kinds of people out there, while you can? We can take our time looking for the right one.
Teenage love is something like music. Most people like upbeat songs or any other songs for the matter, but how many of them actually take the time to understand what the song is about?
They like how it sounds, but are they really listening?
Love isn't all about sex. Just like love isn't all about making a family. What if you are ready fro a baby but your husband isn't? Does that mean he doesn't love you?
Just like talking, everything has a right time. So how come the guy get's to say "she doesnt love me enough because she wont do it" and girls doesn't get to say "if he loves me he'll wait for me"? What is so different about it?
I happen to choose lust over love sometimes, not afraid to admit that. But when i'm with a guy, and he asks for sex, i deny him. Why? I am ready. But I have been brought up as a christian and believe it or not, i really feel like i'm betraying God sometimes. And I also think of my mom. =.=" And i end up feeling guilty. terribly. So, there is more to "trusting" him, because we also care about other people who trust in us. In my world, BF is not number one, everything is balanced and nothing is greater than another.
And i agree to your last 4th paragraph. there is no selfishness in love, and if there is, it's because he/she loves you too much. So it varies and is so flexible it's more complicated than human DNA.
And hurt do exist in love. what if you love this woman who doesn't love you back? you have to hurt your own to let her go, no? Pretty much anything exist with/in love.
it's me Manda =.=" i accidently used my mom's account SWT.
Yea, I get what you mean.
About the relationship part, I understand that it's better to try out before settling for one that is really good for you. But hwat I'm trying to say, the most important is that BOTH of you in the relationship are clear on this. Make sure BOTH of you know that this might not last, or this is just a try-out. And you BOTH agree to let things fall into place naturally.
The problem nowadays is, only ONE of them in the relationship is like that. One is seriosu and one is just taking time. My whole point is just that. It's the same with what I said about misinterpretation.
If there is no understanding between the two in one relationship, it is never going to work.
And I know it's teenage love. If you add the word 'teenage' in front of the word love, then it just proves that it might not be a serious one. What I'm saying is the real type of love. Love that is like, for eternity or whatever. (Okay I sound so lame)
And the part about sex, if course I meant religious restrictions as a given. I mean, if your religion restricts you, then you're out of the topic. WHat I mean is those that are not restriction religion-wise.
And also, I'm not saying that sex is everything in a relationship. I'm just using sex as an example time and time again because sex is a big step. Like it's something serious.
"And hurt do exist in love. what if you love this woman who doesn't love you back? you have to hurt your own to let her go, no? Pretty much anything exist with/in love."
For this, I meant hurt as in hurt that you inflict on a certain someone. For example, if you know all well that your decision might hurt this person you claim you love, but you go on and do it anyway, then it is just not love that you have for that person.
(:
That's what I'm saying, if the couple love each other enough, everything works out.
Yea, and I agree about the part about love varies and is very flexible. It just cannot be compared. (:
Oh i see what you mean, as in there are no restrictions and yet you dont want to have sex izit? lol then that for sure is not serious lah.
Humans are not perfect, a very cliche phrase. So, sometimes men (or woman, but usually the former lol) will make mistakes, at least once, even when they really love someone. It usually takes a mistake to make someone realize how important someone is to you, usually after a loss.
But one thing i know for sure. The debate of love will never cease if one plans to go on about it, because there are seven types of love, each different and yet same in their own ways. rather confusing and complicating, and everyday a new question about love will pop up and leave us in silence over how to define it.
Yea. (: Love just cannot be defined. It's too subjective and different to everyone. (: Probably that's the power of it. Haha. :D
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