I can't sleep.

UPDATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
After some sleep things start to fall into perspective. It's just hormones talking and I don't mean whatever this post says. Haha. I cannot even believe I felt the way I felt while I wrote the post.

Funny how jumbled up your mind gets sometimes. This is how rushy decisions end up being made.

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It is 1.22am and I cannot sleep. Okay so I know mentioning the time isn't indicative of anything since I usually go to sleep at unearthly hours of 4.00-6.00am during holidays anyway. But still.

I tried to go to sleep. I mean, I switched off the lights and everything but I just cannot go to bed.

Because I can't stop thinking about something.

Or more precisely, someone.

I cannot believe the thought of him is keeping me awake. I cannot believe this.

I cannot believe I am missing the midnight talks.

I cannot believe that after all this time, he still frequently pops up in my mind.

I cannot believe that eventhough I am pretty sure I am not in love with him, I still miss him.

I cannot believe what a pathetic human being I am, for still allowing him to wander in my mind so freely.

Seriously. I do not love him, but I want his company.

I don't like him, but I want him to keep thinking of me. I mean, in a way, it is kind of nice that you know someone is missing you, or thinking of you.

But right now, after everything has ended, I cannot believe that I would want it all back.

I am so selfish.

I started it. I ended it. And now I want it back.

What an awfully selfish person I am.

I think I deserve to be buried alive and be left to suffocate to death and then be sent to bad-girl hell to be fried again and then tortured until I lose my sanity.

Seriously, that is the only way I can think of as punishment enough for my severe selfishness.