WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU TAN JO-YEE???!?!!?!?!??!?!

Everytime after my Add Math test, I ponder on what results I would be returned.

I try hard to comprehend the subject, only, I guess, I don't do much practice for it. Simply probably cos I think I am too good to be doing ten +Math questions a day on average. (Which frankly, is the only way I can think of for someone to be so immensely good at it.)

Often I get marks like 60, 65, sometimes when the questions are a little shallower for people like me, 76, 80.

I am an egoistic bitch. When I start getting 1As for a test, I immediately stop studying for it, thinking that since I could score 80 points for that one time, it should be less difficult for me to do it another time.

Foolish foolish thinking.

Who wants to know how much I predict I would get for my +Math this time?

Thirty. 30.

Which I don't even know is a fail or not. But it's definitely an unsightly grade.

What is wrong with me? Some people keep failing because they don't know where it has gone wrong, or what exactly is the problem.

But me? I know the problem. I know EXACTLY where the problem is. And worse, I KNOW how to solve it. The only thing is, I don't.

Simply because I am LAZY. I am too BIG-HEADED. I think that I am SO GOOD at +Math, when OBVIOUSLY, I am not.

Whenever I get a C or a B for my +Math, I keep convincing myself that It's only this time. This time you didn't do well. Next time, you'll do better. You are not stupid.

I am starting to think that maybe I am. But not in +Math, but in prioritising.

Why am I blogging? Why am I not studying?

It is time to stop. Really, it is time. Determination is what I don't have.

Is what I am trying to build in me. I really need to do this. One last boost.

One last boost, Jo-Yee and you will be free.

Think of all the people you will disappoint if you do not score well for your SPM.

Mummy, Daddy, Aun Jie, Bat Leong, Me, Pn Ding etc etc etc

Is it worth it? TELL ME. Is it worth it?

I hope these tears on my face while I am typing this is some kind of an indication that my aim to be determined this time is finally going to work.

Eric's girlfriend scored straight 1As for her SPM. She says (according to Eric, since I haven't met her) she knew she could do it, and so she would not let herself mess up even a tiny bit.

Such true and motivational words.

If I get straights 1As, or As (even), I am going to buy Eric's gf a gift. I really am. She is truly inspirational. And she is MY AGE (PTS scorer).

No, this is not hormones speaking, this is not PMS because my menstruation just ended. So necessary right this paragraph.

Anyway.

Really, I think it is time.

Not for my menstruation to start again, please. But for my aim to finally work.

Ciao. This has become so commercialised already it's not fun to use it anymore. Don't even know when the stupid trend of using Ciao! started. I reckon some people don't even know that Ciao! can mean BOTH 'GOODBYE!' and 'HELLO!'

I, of course, know this because I am an avid fan of German soap operas and I developed the Ciao! habit from there.

So, no more Ciao!

Adioh! ;)